Born into a family of 8 children. My father had trouble holding down steady work and my mother was a stay at home mom. My early growing up years were pretty tough. We experienced poverty, strict religious views, emotional and physical abuse. I found my sanctuary in our old olive tree in the backyard where I would read or write in my journal.
I enjoyed learning and school. I even took summer school classes just for fun (or maybe to escape). I then would sit my younger brothers down and conduct class on what I learned. Then I would give them beauty makeovers…but don’t tell them I told you!
As a child I loved spending time in nature. Like I mentioned earlier I would climb our old olive tree and spend time alone to read or write. In the summer, I would visit my grandparents home. My grandfather grew an edible landscape and I would spend hot summer days eating berries underneath the trees. My grandfather would send me home with all sorts of seeds and seedlings to start at home. However, I didn’t exactly have a green thumb. I remember being too literal and when I was told to keep a plant out of direct sunlight I put it into the closet. Soon enough I had a graveyard of pots in my closet! ;(
My father had a competitive nature when it came to fitness and sports. So as young children we would show our father how good we were to earn his approval. Besides excelling in all physical activities at school, I would play football in the streets with my brothers with all the neighborhood boys. I also enjoyed gymnastics. I would spend all my free time practicing.
I learned to work and earn money for myself at the age of 11 when I got my first job delivering newspapers. Shortly after, I began babysitting regularly for families that I attended church with.
I was raised by both my parents until the age of 12 when they divorced. Soon, I became the oldest in the home and took many of the responsibilities while my mother went back to school so she could provide for us. I made the high school cheerleading squad, but had to resign due to expenses and the time that it pulled away from my home duties.
Just before I turned 16, I decided to move in with my father. Watching my mother date while I was growing into a young teen was tough. I became very rebellious and my grades went from A’s to F’s. I wanted to escape all the responsibilities of taking care of my younger siblings. Besides, my first love of almost a year broke up with me and I needed to heal.
As soon as I turned 16, I was required to get a job and to find my own transportation (a good ol’ bike). Soon I was hired by a Hallmark store. My Junior and Senior years at a new high school proved challenging. I took 2 extra classes (one before school and one after school) to make up for all the failed classes from previous years. In addition I worked as much as I was legally allowed to. My senior year I went to school and worked a full time job. Before I graduated, I was fed up with my father’s way and I moved out onto my own.
I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth and immediately enrolled into a community college for general education. I took a new job at a local steakhouse as a hostess/waitress. I still was without a car and rode my bike to college and work.
Once I moved in with my girlfriend, I picked up a nasty habit of shoplifting for fun. It started out as a joke and turned into a hobby. My girlfriend and I would steal random things weekly just to see what we could get away with. Brooms, mops, you name it. If it seemed impossible to steal we did it. We accumulated so much we had to get a storage unit for it. Eventually, we got caught stealing. Because I made a joke of it and laughed it off, we ended up in jail. They wanted to teach us a lesson and they surely did!
Not long after, I began to do all the things other people were doing. I partied, experimented with marijuana, cigarettes and alcohol. I dressed very provocatively and did not know how to handle all the new male attention.
It wasn’t long before I found myself pregnant at the age of 19. I was hardly in a place to be a mother. I was terrified and ashamed. I went into a depression and hid my pregnancy until I was 6 months pregnant. I had no plans on getting married, although we were together throughout the pregnancy. Odds seemed against me, yet something told me to have this child despite being urged by family to give up my baby for adoption.
I soon began to clean up my act. This was a huge shift for me. I needed to be a better person for someone else who would depend on me, who needed a MOTHER. I studied and I read every chapter of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”(I wish I knew of better books at that time). Shortly before my 20th birthday I gave birth to a son that I named Alexander.
Not long after the birth of my son, I decided to end the relationship with his father. I took up exotic dancing at night 3 times a week. I felt it was the best way to provide a decent income on my own without working many hours and putting my son in day care. I wanted to be a mother and to be able to provide for us. This seemed like the best option due to my lack of professional experience.
Not too much later. I began dating again. I quickly was in a serious relationship. I knew I wanted to have another child close in age to my son. After a year and a half I was pregnant again. This time with my daughter. I stopped dancing, he joined the military and we decided to get married.
We moved to the North Shore of Oahu in Hawaii. On my 22nd birthday I went into pre-mature labor. I was able to hold off the delivery for 5 days, but she was born 6 weeks early. I didn’t have a name for her so we called her “China” due to her copious amounts of black hair. She looked like a china doll. 8 days later we agreed to name her Mehgan, but China still remains to be what she goes by most of the time.
Living in Hawaii seemed like a dream. I was a stay at home mom for the first time. I loved surfing, and taking my kids to the beach. I also enjoyed swing dancing every week with my friends. All seemed well except for the marriage. About a year and a half into it, we experienced infidelity, and physical violence. We went to marriage counseling, but I could see my husband was not interested in keeping things together.
I confronted him on his lack of interest. He expressed he did not want to be married. I immediately picked up the phone, booked the soonest flight to Los Angeles, packed one large suit case and left for good.
Here I was in California, I was 23 years old, had 2 kids under the age of 4. I had no job, no car, no belongings, no where to live…NOTHING. For 4 months I bummed couches to sleep on and I remember crying myself to sleep on a couch holding my sleeping children in my arms. I had to start my life over from scratch. I knew I could go back to dancing. That would be the EASY thing to do, but I wanted to do things differently.
I quickly found a job paying minimum wage and began working full time while family or my sons father would watch over the kids. I worked my way to the highest position possible very quickly, but that would not be enough. I decided to put myself through a holistic health practitioner program at a local massage school.
After almost a year of being separated from my husband, I fell in love with a man that I would be with for 5 years. I grew with him, emotionally and professionally. He was a chiropractor and it seemed like a perfect match. We worked together and separately.
While I was still attending classes, I started working at a physical therapy office and athletic club performing massage. Soon, I was certified for group fitness and personal training. I also attended continued education courses with my boyfriend as his Chiropractic Assistant in nutritional healing, herbology, cleansing and detoxification.
After 5 years, I felt that every time I dreamed, the man I was with would tell me how it wasn’t possible. If I really wanted to do something, he would talk me out of it and tell me it wouldn’t work. I grew tired of trying to convince him. I was done with his pessimism and what I saw as a lack of life vigor and passion and decided I’d rather be alone than with someone who didn’t support my dreams.
Professionally, I grew a clientele at the athletic club and soon expanded into a small day spa. I enjoyed every aspect of creating this company. I loved beauty, natural living, and spa services. I thought I found my place. However, the owner wanted me to practice in ways that I did not agree with. So I decided to leave. When I walked away so did my entire staff. I felt honored that they stood by me.
I began building my own clientele. I would go to their homes, give massages, give nutritional guidance, make healthy meals, personal train them, rehab them and even go through their kitchens and suggest healthier versions of what they already had. My clients felt like family to me. I never felt like I was working, but rather visiting people I cared about and helping where I could.
I again, fell in love. This time with a very high energy, passionate and younger man. I felt alive, supported and renewed. Everything I wanted to do he stood by me. I enjoyed the relationship. After a year of dating, he proposed and I accepted. However, so many changes took places at once. I was establishing my own private practice and began home schooling my kids. He too was starting his own company. We were all in a new situation at home together 24/7. Things grew stressful and at times our 7 year age difference would clash. Our communication was compromised and the relationship ended.
This left me deflated. I was humiliated that I had so many failed relationships. I decided to take the opportunity to work on myself, raise my kids, and step away from the romantic world. I pretty much went into my own world and changes happened fast. I experienced several spiritual awakenings and dove into habits, and beliefs and broke my old paradigms and created new ones.
A new practice I became passionate about was minimalistic and simple living. In 1999 when I left Hawaii I lost everything but a suitcase. However in 7 years I accumulated so much stuff my home was filled FULL and I was running out of space. In 2007, during my spiritual awakening I eliminated about 80% of my belongings.
In addition I began blogging, and in 2008 I started making videos of a raw food challenge which led to a love for sharing my life publicly. It started as an online public journal, and then grew with a desire to dedicate my blog as a legacy and gift to my children and perhaps to grandchildren someday. I don’t have the pleasure of knowing how long I will be on this planet, so I love posting blogs that my children can always come back to and remember what really matters. This intention gives me the drive to be so transparent.
After a few years of being single, I entered into another romantic relationship. I felt FOR SURE I had things figured out this time. After all, I had taken so much time for myself. I loved being in love and alive, but I hid behind the relationship and went right back into old patterns. I allowed myself to be more consumed with him and things outside of me rather than honoring myself. Of course, this is not a sustainable pattern and again the relationship ended. I was absolutely heart broken. I had given my best and still “failed”.
Hitting that low point was a miracle though. I learned that I still had the courage to go for it in the romance world even though I had so many breakups. I learned how to fall in love with the breakup and to honor every season in the emotional ans spiritual cycle. I learned also that the one true love I was always looking for was ME. I also learned that my relationship with others was a direct reflection of my relationship to myself and my spirit.
I simplified my life and belongings again and went back to my spiritual practices that I had been skipping. As a result, quickly my body went into perfect shape. My home was neat and clean. My relationship with my children deepened even further. I attracted an amazing business opportunity that allowed me to take my knowledge and share it in an information product with coaching. I educated myself on my psychology with wealth and money. I shifted my focus on how I can serve and be a contributor in this world and a better mother to my children.
I am fascinated with personal growth and unlimited potential, living life to the fullest, challenging myself to see what I am capable of, and remembering to love my life unconditionally. All the hardship was all necessary. At the end of my day I can say I am truly wealthy in life experience, health, loving and supportive relationships. I am rich and have experienced the depth of life. I am complete.