Posts Tagged "parenting"

I had no idea that THIS would be the video I posted on Valentines Day. However, perhaps there are people today thinking about their relationships and love life and are feeling a bit depleted.

Many of you have noticed I have not posted a video or blog in some time and have expressed concern and wanted to know what I have been up to. First of all, I would like to thank you for coming to my blog and taking an interest in me and my video or blog posts. My blog started as an online journal for myself, then evolved into a way I can share my perspective, thoughts, and inspiration. Thank you for being a part of that.

My Online Absence
Although I absolutely love and adore the Internet and all the wonderful people I have connected with, I found that gradually I was spending more time online and less time being present in my physical environment and the relationships right in front of me. I enjoyed all the feedback on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and here on my blog. I felt like I needed to respond to everyone and I just couldn’t keep up with all that and manage my physical life. I became very behind in corresponding to comments, emails, messages, and questions. The more behind I became the more of a burden my online presence became for me. It shifted from fun and exciting to an obligation. Needless to say, this is hardly an “inspired” state.

An Internal Struggle
In addition to taking a break from blogging, I had to take a break from romance and dating. I had the pleasure of dating men however, it seemed things moved faster and more intense than I was wanting so instead of slowing things down I went MIA. I struggle with the idea of romance and where that fits in my life. I had to do some soul searching and really figure things out before I stepped back out in the social world.

Health
This is an area that directly relates to my internal state. In the beginning of the year I was clocking in about 60 hours of exercise a month & eating very high raw. However, when I freaked out and went MIA with dating I dropped down to a very minimal amount of exercise and kept eating the same amount if not MORE food. NOT A GOOD IDEA! Weight crept back on and I felt ashamed of myself. However I felt I was justified going MIA because I was beginning to look bloated and feeling uncomfortable being social. However, we are far more transparent than we think we are and situations like this just show me that I was experiencing an internal struggle. I have found through food a way to dampen the rawness of emotions I was experiencing.

Romance
I love romance and I am a sucker for a beautiful love story. However, when it comes my way I really haven’t mastered that aspect of my life. It seems when I crave romance the options and opportunities flow into my life, yet when it becomes so serious so quick I tend to get cold feet and back off. I have a few ideas that could be the source:

Overall, I am content being single. I no longer have the idea that I have to be married or be in a romantic relationship to be complete. However at times I do crave the experience(or it could be hormones). I just want it to happen more slowly and balanced rather than a big surge that happens too fast. I don’t feel a need to hurry or put a label on it, and when I date someone who seems to come on quick I tend to run and hide. To me it appeared a bit desperate and co-dependant….which is what I used to be and I am afraid of being that again.

With that in mind, I came to the conclusion that I was being given the opportunity to see if I had overcome some of my past relationship bad habits. I used to be the girl that fell head over heels fast. I overly romanticized the person and the experience and lived in a fantasy in my head. I wasn’t present and had expectations.

Another factor that presented itself was how it affected my relationship with my kids. When I was a teen and my newly divorced parents started dating I felt like I was second rate, competing for their affection and time. From my view, my parents were more interested in romance than being a parent. I had some resentments and I lashed out towards my parents and their romantic interests. I felt my teen years went from being “normal” to being a stay at home mom for my younger brothers while I saw my parents out dating. I carry that memory today. Perhaps I am hyper-sensitive to my children and would never want them to feel like I preferred the company of a man over theirs. At the same time, I realize that this may just be my own limiting belief that romance would pull me away from my kids. I just never wanted my kids to feel second rate. In conversations with my kids, they have expressed that they are happy with the idea of me dating and would enjoy meeting the people I bring into my life. It just seemed to be a fear that I would get too wrapped up in my romance that I compromised my relationship with my kids as well as other aspects of my life.

Family Life
With all that in mind I went off the dating scene and started spending more time with my children (which inspired my blog in May “10 Wise Lessons for my Children”). Being a mother is a priority and a pleasure and I know my time with them is precious. They are growing up so fast. I want to make the most of it. So, we went camping in Yosemite and Idyllwild. We have been spending so much time outdoors, at the beach, hiking, biking, swimming and playing.

Alex is training for football, which I think is NUTS, because of his frame and body type. I really feel his strengths are with speed and agility. However, I must step aside and let my son make decisions for himself. We both feel that this may very well be his last opportunity to play this sport on a team. We plan to make the most of it and perhaps move on to soccer or baseball when the season ends.

At the same time, Mehgan is in cheer leading. It makes life so much easier having practices and games at the same location and time as football. Although Meg prefers to be in independent activities I encouraged her to give this sport a shot. This also plays up her gymnastics background as well as learning to work on a team. I felt it was a nice transition while building new friendships since many of her friends moved this summer. Meg also had the opportunity to model for Anchor Blue in a Back to School Fashion Show at a local mall. She loved it and it’s right up her alley since she says she wants to create her own fashion line and model it herself one day.

School Changes
I also made the decision with my kids that this was the last year of homeschooling for us. My son is starting high school and the kids were expressing a desire to do something different. Alex and Mehgan are now enrolled to attend a charter school and we all look forward to the new experience. I am so thankful that I took the past 3 years with my kids and home schooled them. I really felt the experience allowed us to grow together in a common direction. Our bond is so close and I will forever cherish the memories we had. My family life wouldn’t be what it is today if we didn’t take that time.

Garden
I didn’t put alot of effort into gardening or any home improvements. However, scattered seeds sprouted up on their own and I have been enjoying the ease of letting the plants do their thing rather than babying them. I also just became curious and would stick things in the ground just to see how they grew for example a sprouting potato or onion. I have been more of an observer of plant cycles than anything else. I do love gardens, but if I continue with growing an edible landscape I seriously need a landscape designer that could help me make it look more aesthetic.

Career
Obviously, once the kids start school that opens up time for me to recommit to an online presence and contribute more to the community. I enjoy sharing my journey. I enjoy having a voice. I enjoy feeling inspired and on purpose.

In Conclusion
Overall, I feel I have been looking to balance my life. I went up and I went down and now I am leveling out. I may have over compensated in some ways, but I really am just relaxing with where I am now and I am making sure I get a little taste of everything rather than bingeing on one thing. I am happy to say I feel that I am getting back on track.

See More Related Posts on Conscious Relationships

Here is Alex’s favorite snack: green apples with almond butter. He actually made this plate himself. How cute…will he be a future Matthew Kenney in the works? 😉

I receive many questions from mothers who want to home school their children but don’t know where to start. I would recommend moms to find other mothers in their community that are homeschooling. I would consider myself to still be somewhat of a novice even though I have completed 3 years of homeschooling with my kids.

Selection
I belong to a charter school. The kids receive their funds from public schooling and we have vendors that we are able to select programs, books and so forth from.

Accountability
We meet with an Educational Specialist every month. This is when I turn in work samples, lesson plans, attendance and grades. I also consult with her to find more resources and options that could better suit our needs.

Testing
My children are still required to complete the same testing as public school children do. In California it is STAR testing. The children meet every spring at a public location and the tests are set up the same as traditional school. In addition, my children are accessed at the beginning and end of the school year with an online test called Scantron just to see their starting point and their growth at the end of the year.

Special Services
My son has always needed the assistance of speech therapy. So he is receiving that through the school as a free service. I am also enrolling in LARP (Language Arts and Reading Program) for parents to learn more effective ways of working with their children’s learning styles.

1st Year Curriculum ( 3rd and 5th grade)
Our first year of homeschooling, the kids attended half day enrichment classes two days a week just for social interaction and to be a bridge between public school and home school. I had no clue how to home school so I did a box kit curriculum with Varsity books. Basically it was set up as a normal teacher teaching public school. I downloaded the class lessons and conducted class just like a normal school setting. It was quite a challenge considering I was teaching two different grades. I was separating my son and daughters curriculum and doubling up on the work load. Honestly, the first year was really tough and we struggled to maintain a system that was generic and didn’t meet our lifestyle.

2nd & 3rd year Curriculum (4th & 6th grade)
I kept the language arts and math curriculum separate, but combined all the other subjects like science, history, life skills, art and PE. My children selected their own special interest. This system was much simpler and we found ourselves enjoying the learning process together whereas before we struggled to do everything “by the book”. Along the way, I found it much easier to start writing our own lesson plans based on our lifestyle. Here is what we did last year:

Language Arts
READ a book that they enjoyed (I would pull books from the required reading of public schools for their grade level, but found the kids took more interest in the books they selected themselves)
WRITE a page a day especially in their journals (encouraging gratitude, creating) or stories
Spelling & vocabulary- Latin based- Red Hot Root Words
Grammar- Daily Grams

History
Story of the World series

Science
Life Science (7th grade)
Kits- Solar Science, Edible Landscaping, Square Foot Gardening, Human Body

Math
Teaching Textbooks

PE
Gymnastics

Life Skills
computer skills, typing (roller typing program), blogging
personal & family responsibilities
raw food recipes

Special Interest
guitar lessons, horseback riding lessons
art- painting, drawing

Now I am approaching our 4th year of home school and I feel like it is time for another change. My kids are a bit older and are expressing career directions. I observe what they do during their independent time and I am looking to nurture their interests and habits. It seems that we are less and less concerned with standardized testing and learning skills that are not applicable to them at this time. I am not too sure how this is going to be received by our wonderful ES, but I am sure she will show us how to incorporate it all into the typical subjects.

I feel as a mother it is important to honor their direction and support them. I need to remember that learning is supposed to be fun. It is pointless to waste their time if the brain is not activated. I watch to see their natural inclinations and curiosity. I do not act like I know all the answers, since I know I don’t, but rather just express a love for learning all through life.

Priorities
Knowing & supporting their end result
Nurture their nature & passion
Have fun & keep their minds curious
Prepare them to be self reliant

My kids are entering 6th and 8th grade next month. Here is what I have set up so far.

Language Arts
Reading- whatever they enjoy (Alex enjoys reading the Harry Potter series, Eragon series, Twilight series)
Write- in their gratitude & create journals & writing projects pertaining to other subjects
Spelling/Vocab- Latin
Grammar- Daily Grams book

History
Story of the World
However, public school focuses on US history for my kids grades. However, I much prefer a chronological global view.

Math
Money generation and management
Teaching Textbooks (typical class)

Science
Sustainable Living: health & environment
Earth Science (typical class)

Life skills
computer skills, typing, blogging, social media
Entrepreneurship
Self Reliance

PE
wrestling
horse vaulting (gymnastics on a horse)

Special Interest
Alex expresses a desire to excel in sports (currently in wrestling) and music(taking guitar) , computers. I would love to find a course he could take to learn about programming and just overall computer knowledge.

Mehgan expresses an artistic desire to be in the fashion world of modeling, creating her own clothing and jewelry line, singing and performing arts. She loves interacting with animals. She is working on selling her jewelry online from her blog and Etsys. I need to enroll her into a performing arts program.

Finding What Works
Everyone has their own approach. I am not even sure that I am doing things right. All I know is that most of the stuff I learned in school is information that I do not apply in my life. I want to make sure that what they are learning and doing they are enjoying. I want them to retain and apply their knowledge versus memorizing and regurgitating.