“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman
There have been times in my life where I felt on top of the world, intentional, and on fire. I felt beaming with energy. I felt all the things I wanted in my life came easily and it felt effortless and a joy. I loved being alive, I loved who I was and I loved what I was doing. Somewhere along the way I no longer felt that way anymore. I noticed life felt like a struggle and I didn’t feel good about myself or anything. I felt stuck, burdened, and alone. In reflection I wondered what the heck happened? How did I go from a state of bliss into a state of paralysis?
The Biggest Buzz Kill= Fears One way to zap the passion is to feel fear, insecurities, doubt, and expectations. Who cares what people think of us. We don’t have to live up to anyone else’s exceptions or even our own. We just gotta let ourselves do what we enjoy most! When we are fired up, creativity flows through us, it is almost as if we are just channeling it. It feels effortless, it feels as though time collapses. It rejuvenates us. It inspires us, fulfills us.
What happens when we aren’t alive? We become stressed, frustrated, feel drained, blah, complacent, angry, irritable, annoyed, (especially with happy people). We want to drown out life or find some other source to give up pleasure rather than create the things that give us an internal sense of pleasure and satisfaction. We feel empty and alone, then we resort to outside sources to try to fill the void w/ things such as junk food, overeating, sleeping, pills, drugs, alcohol, sex/pornography, TV. Sometimes we start trying to please other people rather than ourselves as a way to awaken, but that seems to only perpetuate the situation. We are looking on the outside for things to make us feel good on the inside. The above are all symptoms of a starving soul.
There are tons of creative ways to get in touch with what makes us come alive. The fun part is finding our own way. Here are a series of exercises you can do to awaken and rejuvenate yourself that bring you back in touch with your spirit.
EXERCISE 1- Find Your Passions Passions never fade, they usually are very similar to the interests you had as a child and see what comes up. Brainstorm all the things you have loved doing in your life. Here is a list of things that came up for me.
I loved to do gymnastics. I went from beginners to advanced in am matter of a months because I couldn’t get enough of it. As an adult, although I do not do gymnastics, I do power yoga, which to me is gymnastics in slow-motion without the plyometrics.
I loved playing with natural beauty remedies. You could find me chilling out in my room at the age of 10 with oatmeal on my face and egg whites around my eyes! Later in life, I expressed that passion again through opening a day spa.
I love love love to read. As a little girl I would sit in a tree, sit in a corner or on my bed and read for hours. Sometimes I would read the same book several times, as I did with Charlottes Web in the first grade. As an adult and over the course of years I have read hundreds of books on self help, health, beauty, fitness. I experimented with all sorts of detoxes, workouts, exercises, diets, and health regimes.
I love love love LEARNING & TEACHING. As a matter of fact I would go to summer school just for fun. I would also ask for extra left over worksheets at the end of the school year and have my little brothers sit down and play teacher as I taught them how to do the work. As an adult, I attended fun classes on massage, holistic health, personal training, nutrition, injury rehab, yoga, herbal therapy, and so forth. Never did it feel like work. I know health is a passion of mine because I could spend all day studying and practicing. In 2002 I turned this passion into a career that evolved from a massage therapist, yoga instructor, personal trainer, group fitness instructor, spa director, nutrition & detox coach.
I love to journal. I have been doing this since the second grade. I loved going out in my backyard as a kid, climbing up in our old olive tree and writing. To this day I still journal and write. It is reflected in my blog posts. This blog is just an extension of my personal journal….. Dear Diary…. lol! Ok, but seriously… a journal is the best friend ever, it just listens quietly and lets you discover your own way. Welcome to my journey! 😉
I love tinkering in the garden and kitchen. I would try to grow plants and I loved spending time in my grandfathers backyard that was filled with edible plants. I spent summers eating berries all day long (while I was supposed to be pulling weeds). To this day those are some of my fondest summer memories. I would also take peaches we grew in our backyard and look in the index of recipe books and find all the recipes that had peaches in them. Think Forrest Gump here with all his Shrimp recipe ideas! Just turn that into peaches and you would see me! When I bought my first home I started growing gardens again. I am far from a pro, but I really love growing and harvesting my own food. I have lots of reasons why, but the main reason is to observe nature and enjoy the cycle of life. I am currently in a home where I cannot put anything in the ground, but I do want to start this back up again.
I loved playing dress up in my moms clothes, makeup and heels. It was fun to get all fancy and to feel beautiful.
I loved going out and dancing as a teen and young adult. I could dance for hours many days a week and just get lost in the music. I love that exercise feels fun and effortless. I love the body confidence. I love the sensuality. I love celebrating my body. I just love dancing! I don’t care what type it is. I think I live vicariously through watching shows like “Dancing with the Stars”. The costumes are amazing and I love how graceful the body can move. This is definitely a side of me that I would love to start expressing again.
Throughout school, I loved PE and Science. I love the scientific explanation and understanding of what is unfolding. I especially enjoy it in regards to nature, quantum physics, and the human body. I love to play around and do cool little experiments to see what happens. BTW, have you ever seen the rice experiment? My kids and I have done that and LOVE it!
I love music and want it playing in the home all the time. It uplifts me and creates a mood/vibration.
I love turning bland into beautiful. I guess this is where makeovers in general come in. I love transformation whether it is with interior design, edible landscaping, food & meals, personal growth, weight loss and beauty makeovers. Stories of people who go from ordinary to extraordinary. It’s the transformation. It’s the growth that excites me. I suppose that is why I am so drawn to all things that grow and evolve whether it is personal growth, health, beauty, gardening, raising children. Observing the journey is so beautiful!
I love singing all around the house, in the car, whenever, wherever.
EXERCISE 2- Identify Blockages & Why You Stopped (Excuses) Now that you have remembered all the things you have loved in the past, did you feel a swell of enthusiasm build as you were remembering the things that brought you joy? Did just writing it out excite you all over again. Now why in the world would you ever stop? Write out all the reasons that you stopped doing what you love!
In writing this list I realized there are a lot of things that I loved to do that I am not doing now. It led me to inquire as to why I ever stopped doing them in the first place.
I felt I didn’t have the time or money to pursue those interests (like go to dance lessons or singing lessons).
I felt I wasn’t good enough at it to make anything of it, I might as well drop it and get on with the skills that I do have.
I became distracted with what I didn’t want to do and focused on what I felt I had to do.
Fear and negative beliefs got in the way.
I forgot my intention and why I am here in the first place.
I disconnected from my spirit.
I became out of balance.
Life no longer felt fun. It felt like struggle and WORK.
Blockages are just excuses you have told yourself to mask fear.
EXERCISE 3- Start Dreaming
Play the Wouldn’t it be Nice Game in “Ask & It is Given” by Esther & Jerry Hicks. Here is what came up for me.
Wouldn’t it be nice if….
I could sing beautifully
I would dance beautifully and gracefully
I was an amazing communicator and loved speaking in front of a large audience
I could focus
I was consistent
I created a business that felt like a fun game and not work
I felt passionate, alive, & beaming with energy
I had a beautiful body
I did do what I wish I had the balls to do
I felt beautiful just the way I am
I believed in myself and felt connected to my spirit
I had unlimited resources
I was an incredible friend
I was a billionaire
I could walk outside and pick my meal from the garden that was full of nutrient dense biophotons and pure energy.
Follow up your dreams with a reason why. Here are my reasons why it would be nice. They correlate in order to the dreams listed above.
It would be nice because….
I would belt out a song whenever I wanted to and wouldn’t feel self conscious. I wouldn’t care what anyone thought of my voice. I would just enjoy it!
I would get down and DANCE. I wouldn’t hold back! I would let go, get into it and have fun!
I wouldn’t care if anyone made fun of me or thought I sucked
I would share what my heart is calling me to do & I would know people understand me.
I would finish all the inspiring things I start
I would really make progress and master my passions
I would look forward to creating, it would feel easy & effortless instead of overwhelming
I would feel satisfied with life everyday
I wouldn’t let insecurities keep me from getting out and JUST DOING IT!
I would feel uninhibited & free I would enjoy my beautiful body rather than criticizing it
I wouldn’t care if other people were judging me, I would just do my thing
I’d love my haters
I’d conquer my fears, my prison, my world!
I’d feel good about the way I conducted myself in relationships
I could make a difference in the world, help people by investing in them just as others have invested in me
I would be beaming with energy
Exercise 4- List Your Fears What did you find is holding you back? Here is my list of fears that I allowed to paralyze me from living the life I want and enjoy.
I am afraid of….
being judged
negative opinions
criticism
not being good enough, inadequate
being misunderstood
succeeding and getting what I want
too many responsibilities, juggling too much
being overwhelmed
open up and be vulnerable
rejection
Free your Mind & JUST DO IT = Inspire 2 Act! It’s time to let the hamster in your mind get off it’s wheel and stop running the same cycle. Give it a rest. Stop with the incessant mental chatter. Let the creative inspiration come to you when you are in a state of relaxation and go with it. Do not allow the mind to work against you and talk yourself out of your dreams and passions with fears and doubts. Let your mind be a tool to take you where your heart desires.
Exercise 5- Pleasure, Silence & Relaxation
Give yourself the gift of pleasure, silence and relaxation. Stop squeezing the pleasure out of your life and allow yourself to come alive. Feel life flow through you. I am practicing this daily as part of my “New Day Resolutions”. I know when I do the things that bring me joy that life feels effortless. I also allow time to reflect, appreciate, and listen to my inner guidance. The inspiration just gets louder and the days soon are no longer just an hour of pleasure, but you’ll feel it all day long. Start stretching out the bliss in your days.
How would I feel if I did it anyway? Regardless of fears, limitations, doubts, and insecurities how would you feel if you did it anyway? Maybe a little scared and a little turned on? According to my friend, Steve Pavlina if it turns you on and scares you a little bit then ya gotta do it.
I’d feel alive, free, relaxed, in celebration, & empowered. How do I know? Just check out my video “Skeletons in my Closet“. That was soooo scary for me to do, but after it was over I was embraced with love, support and encouragement. I was welcomed into the world.I was FREED just by sharing it publicly.
Liberate yourself from your fears & do it anyway! Here are 2 of my favorite quotes that help me from out of fear and into a state of inspiration that calls me to action.
Our Deepest Fear “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson
Anyway “People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have,and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis,it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.” -Mother Teresa
What Do You Want? As for me, I want to master of my life & feel freedom, passion, joy, and empowerment. By liberating myself and sharing with you my inner vulnerable world and fears I am creating space to let go and live my life. I am dropping the fears and going for it. How about you?
Tell me, what is it you love? What is it you want to explore? What makes you come alive? Why did you stop doing the things you love? Tell me what you are afraid of and why. Let’s liberate each other and Just Do It! We owe it to the world to do what we love. Let’s master the art of living well!
Here we are another year later. We are optimistic and enthusiastic about all the goals we have created. However, deep down there is a small pit of doubt in our stomach. We find ourselves asking, “Am I really going to do it this year? Am I really going to accomplish all these goals or am I going to give up on them in 3 months?” I don’t know about you, but this has definitely been the case for most of my life for New Years Resolutions. Don’t believe me? Just check out my Bikini Body Challenge I posted on my blog in 2009. When it comes to making changes, the ones I have kept were never because of New Years, but they were decisions I made just because I wanted to do it. There was no expectation that I HAD to do anything. Somehow, New Years can bring a sense of overwhelm that we MUST do something. We generate these amazing goals with a big gusto and before we know it that goal has somehow vaporized into thin air! Well, I don’t know about you, but I am done with that cycle. After all, the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results. This year I have opted to do something else.
What am I doing different?
I have gone simple. I took time to gain clarity on my intention. Then I created daily FEEL GOOD habits. You know, the ones that make you feel good when you do them. It is my goal to create daily disciplines that feel attainable. They require effort, but they don’t burn me out.
My Intention
This is not just about this year, but it’s about how I want to feel and experience life today and everyday…. for 2011 & for LIFE. That intention is to FEEL GOOD & BE HAPPY. That’s it! I want to enjoy & celebrate life, to feel in love with myself & my life, and pay it forward. My intention is on creating and living a lifestyle I want to live now. To start practicing becoming the person I want to be & do the activities I love. I want to live as if I died today that I would be satisfied with the way I conducted myself in my life. If I knew my time on Earth was limited (which we all know it is) I would choose happiness no matter what. I would KNOW I can do anything. I would see my beauty, focus on progress & not perfection, open up & be vulnerable. I would drop fears and just do it! I would allow that creative expression to flow through me and into my life. I would feel a deep connection to my spirit and operate on high vibrations.
My Daily FEEL GOOD Habits(aka NEW DAY RESOLUTIONS)
I recently watched a video from Brian & Alexandra Jaye Johnson and I heard him refer to daily disciplines as daily Blissaplines. I fell in love with it immediately because it shifted the feeling of strictness into blissness. My goal for today and everyday is to be consistent with the following feel good habits:
Rise w/ the sun – don’t let the sun catch me in bed 🙂
When you are focused on just on doing things that feel good then you just let the outcomes take care of themselves. Perhaps, life will show you results that you may never have imagined. Living this way automatically reduces stress and brings a sense of peace and balance. You will feel yourself taking daily steps that close the gap from where you am to where you want to be. A new day resolution doesn’t give you time to put things off. Procrastination ends and living now begins.
Where Things Go Wrong
We forget our intention, We disconnect from spirit by getting so mentally cluttered that we forget what is most important. The best way I am finding to stay connected to my intention is to take time daily to collaborate with God. You know, contemplate (it’s on my list of daily feel good habits), be silent and give the mind time to detox from incessant thoughts that distract us from what we really want. We all need reminders and this one seems to do the trick! You realize that there is nothing you HAVE to do. These are all things you GET to do.
What You Don’t Want
If you are anything like me you don’t want to put off life. You are done with overwhelming and defeating yourself before you even get started. You are done with frustration and stress. There is no way you can keep going and living with regret. So cheers to turning your life around, one day, one habit at a time. Let life flow through you and enjoy the ride!
Now that I have shared a little bit about my new day resolutions, I’d love to hear yours!
In my last post, I mentioned that I had shifted my priorities. However, I completely neglected other aspects of my life such as my nutrition and fitness regime. I was becoming pretty frustrated with the way I looked and felt. The more I focused on my frustration the less I was inspired to eat right and workout, so the phase went on for a couple months leading me to gain weight. I avoided social events because I was embarrassed with the way I was letting myself go and my confidence went downhill.
Inspiration
I knew I needed something to look forward to that would make me want to make a change and to start taking care of my body. When I am excited about something it turns chores into pleasures. If I have a REASON then working out and eating right turns into something I call Effortless Effort. This is when you are so excited for the end result that you become proactive and committed. The effort is something you look forward to doing rather than dreading.
Action
I also knew I needed to reset the tone of my eating habits. I can’t think of a better way than to do a detox. Luckily, I had the opportunity to do the 21 day Detox Kit from The Clean Program which consisted of a shake for breakfast and dinner and a healthy lunch (according to the dietary guidelines). Upon opening the package, I was impressed by the simplicity of the program. I didn’t have to go buying all sorts of different items. Everything I needed came in one kit. I immediately got started on the detox and took notes along the way.
My Results
*Improved Workout Recovery: I actually kicked up my workout regime during my detox, which normally is not recommended, but I felt so much energy that I wanted to maximize the results. I noticed I would get sore after some intense workouts, but it didn’t last long. It felt like my body was so fluid that there was no space for the stagnation of lactic acid. In addition, I felt that any microtearing of the tissues healed very rapidly due to the energy being freed up by the detox. My body was able to go heal the places it needed to recover quickly, which allowed me to complete 2 hours a daily exercise on this program.
*Improved Appearance: Puffiness left my face and under my eyes, and much to my surprise the hyperpigmentation on my face started to diminish. I have heard that it was possible during a cleanse, but this was the first time I really noticed the dark patches on my face begin to fade away. This was extremely exciting because I would go through great measures to cover it with makeup, so it is an amazing feeling to feel like I look just as good with less makeup. Woo hoo!
*Weight Loss: I lost a total of 10 lbs from the start of the pre-cleanse all the way to the end of the 21 day kit. 5 lbs came off before I even began the shakes, which was probably water retention. Then throughout the 21 day program I continued to lose another 5 lbs.
*Stamina & Energy: I definitely noticed I was sleeping much less and lighter at the same time. I felt like tackling projects that I had been procrastinating on. Plus, in the gym when I would normally start to hit a plateau during my workout, I felt a burst of energy that allowed me to go further with my workout. I was really seeing rapid results in my workout stamina.
*Quieting of the Mind/ Sense of Peace/ Focus: I tend to have a mind that runs like a hampster running in a wheel which can be very distracting, but during the cleansing process I noticed a significant decrease in mental chatter. I am not too sure what it is about a cleanse that does this, but it feels like the mind went on vacation or to the spa. I just felt a sense of peace and the ability to focus.
*Appreciation for my body and for healthy food: I gained an appreciation for my body during the program. I felt gratitude to have a strong able body that is free of disease and pain. I also gained an appreciation for the flavors and textures of food. When you complete a cleanse, it really heightens your taste buds and even very simple dishes seem to have much more depth to them.
My Modifications
Bigger Shakes: I made my shakes with either frozen blueberries or raspberries, water, 2 packets of stevia, along with the formulas MOVE and NOURISH. Since I worked out most days I noticed I wouldn’t feel quite a satiated as I would normally feel if I wasn’t working out so intensely. To curb the appetite a bit I would drink a glass of water beforehand and I would add more frozen berries and powder to the shake so that it felt more dense. This really seemed to do the trick so I wasn’t tempted to break from the plan. I wouldn’t suggest others to do this, but this is something I did so that I could maintain a workout regime.
Lunch Suggestion: Make your lunch the night before or while you are sipping on your shake. If you wait until you are hungry to eat lunch and still have to take the time to prepare the meal, chances are you may make a poor choice.
Side Notes
Pre- Cleanse Diet: For 4 days, I basically followed a very simple eating regime of just plain fruits and veggies in their raw state. Nothing fancy. I thought I might struggle with the cleanse so to prepare for it I went as basic as I could with the diet.
Menstrual Cycle Revelation: Normally, I will experience an increase in appetite and cravings, a decrease in energy, and some bloating. On the rare occassion I would get some cramping as well as low back pain. However, my cycle came and went without much notice. I am really feeling that if we cleansed during our pre-cycle and even during our cycle that suffering women would be relieved from PMS and cramps. I am going to experiement a bit more with this myself and I encourage you to do the same. That is if you are a woman reading this post. 😉
Who CLEAN is Best Suited For
* Newbies: People who are new to the detoxification experience. Some programs can be pretty intense for the average person. If detoxification happens too fast a person can feel like they are weak, tired, or coming down with flu-like symptoms. This cleanse is very gentle and because food is allowed on this cleanse it makes the process very doable. This program will provide enough fuel to keep going with your normal activities and still get great results of a cleanse.
*Fast Paced Peeps: Some people are have pretty complicated schedules and the last thing they need is a detox that requires a lot of prep work. This program comes with everything you need and requires VERY little to perform on a daily basis. The work is all done for you so that you are not slowed down or boggled with a plethora of steps and a rigid schedule.
*Schlumpers: These are people who are in a rut (mentally, emotionally and/or physically), who are feeling a lack of passion, motivation or inspiration in their lives and they just need some sort of jump start to get them back on track. Since burdens are being removed from the body, it frees up energy within. The mind, body, and spirit are all intertwined. The changes in the body affects everything. The mind becomes clearer and we begin to view the world and our capabilities on a whole new level. It’s the catalyst that starts the road back to inspiration.
*In need of Healing: Detoxification is really great for people who are recovering from injuries or trying to get a handle on health ailments. The best way to heal the body is to give it a rest so that it can do it’s job of healing itself. When the body is not busy digesting complicated meals, the energy is freed up and goes to work where it is needed. Injuries or post surgeries often recover much faster when a detox is in place.
*Chunky Monkies: I have to giggle when I write this because I was in this category a bit. These peeps are in need of shedding some poundage. Water retention and sludge that is weighing the body and digestive track down is whisked out of the body with a great detox. This program really resets the appetite, taste buds and heightens the appreciation for healthy food. The 21 days really gives momentum to break bad habits and you can become a more refreshed version of yourself.
Conclusion
Truth be told, I didn’t follow the plan to perfection, I didn’t always have a shake for dinner and sometimes I would snack in between, but I still experienced great results. I feel like I am out of my slump. I feel like I have awakened. I feel passionate, excited, and the momentum to keep going on my health journey has been reinforced. I feel inspired about my life and have the desire to improve the quality of the lives around me. I feel like I’ve got my groove back and that to me is PRICELESS!
Many of you have noticed I have not posted a video or blog in some time and have expressed concern and wanted to know what I have been up to. First of all, I would like to thank you for coming to my blog and taking an interest in me and my video or blog posts. My blog started as an online journal for myself, then evolved into a way I can share my perspective, thoughts, and inspiration. Thank you for being a part of that.
My Online Absence Although I absolutely love and adore the Internet and all the wonderful people I have connected with, I found that gradually I was spending more time online and less time being present in my physical environment and the relationships right in front of me. I enjoyed all the feedback on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and here on my blog. I felt like I needed to respond to everyone and I just couldn’t keep up with all that and manage my physical life. I became very behind in corresponding to comments, emails, messages, and questions. The more behind I became the more of a burden my online presence became for me. It shifted from fun and exciting to an obligation. Needless to say, this is hardly an “inspired” state.
An Internal Struggle In addition to taking a break from blogging, I had to take a break from romance and dating. I had the pleasure of dating men however, it seemed things moved faster and more intense than I was wanting so instead of slowing things down I went MIA. I struggle with the idea of romance and where that fits in my life. I had to do some soul searching and really figure things out before I stepped back out in the social world.
Health This is an area that directly relates to my internal state. In the beginning of the year I was clocking in about 60 hours of exercise a month & eating very high raw. However, when I freaked out and went MIA with dating I dropped down to a very minimal amount of exercise and kept eating the same amount if not MORE food. NOT A GOOD IDEA! Weight crept back on and I felt ashamed of myself. However I felt I was justified going MIA because I was beginning to look bloated and feeling uncomfortable being social. However, we are far more transparent than we think we are and situations like this just show me that I was experiencing an internal struggle. I have found through food a way to dampen the rawness of emotions I was experiencing.
Romance I love romance and I am a sucker for a beautiful love story. However, when it comes my way I really haven’t mastered that aspect of my life. It seems when I crave romance the options and opportunities flow into my life, yet when it becomes so serious so quick I tend to get cold feet and back off. I have a few ideas that could be the source:
Overall, I am content being single. I no longer have the idea that I have to be married or be in a romantic relationship to be complete. However at times I do crave the experience(or it could be hormones). I just want it to happen more slowly and balanced rather than a big surge that happens too fast. I don’t feel a need to hurry or put a label on it, and when I date someone who seems to come on quick I tend to run and hide. To me it appeared a bit desperate and co-dependant….which is what I used to be and I am afraid of being that again.
With that in mind, I came to the conclusion that I was being given the opportunity to see if I had overcome some of my past relationship bad habits. I used to be the girl that fell head over heels fast. I overly romanticized the person and the experience and lived in a fantasy in my head. I wasn’t present and had expectations.
Another factor that presented itself was how it affected my relationship with my kids. When I was a teen and my newly divorced parents started dating I felt like I was second rate, competing for their affection and time. From my view, my parents were more interested in romance than being a parent. I had some resentments and I lashed out towards my parents and their romantic interests. I felt my teen years went from being “normal” to being a stay at home mom for my younger brothers while I saw my parents out dating. I carry that memory today. Perhaps I am hyper-sensitive to my children and would never want them to feel like I preferred the company of a man over theirs. At the same time, I realize that this may just be my own limiting belief that romance would pull me away from my kids. I just never wanted my kids to feel second rate. In conversations with my kids, they have expressed that they are happy with the idea of me dating and would enjoy meeting the people I bring into my life. It just seemed to be a fear that I would get too wrapped up in my romance that I compromised my relationship with my kids as well as other aspects of my life.
Family Life With all that in mind I went off the dating scene and started spending more time with my children (which inspired my blog in May “10 Wise Lessons for my Children”). Being a mother is a priority and a pleasure and I know my time with them is precious. They are growing up so fast. I want to make the most of it. So, we went camping in Yosemite and Idyllwild. We have been spending so much time outdoors, at the beach, hiking, biking, swimming and playing.
Alex is training for football, which I think is NUTS, because of his frame and body type. I really feel his strengths are with speed and agility. However, I must step aside and let my son make decisions for himself. We both feel that this may very well be his last opportunity to play this sport on a team. We plan to make the most of it and perhaps move on to soccer or baseball when the season ends.
At the same time, Mehgan is in cheer leading. It makes life so much easier having practices and games at the same location and time as football. Although Meg prefers to be in independent activities I encouraged her to give this sport a shot. This also plays up her gymnastics background as well as learning to work on a team. I felt it was a nice transition while building new friendships since many of her friends moved this summer. Meg also had the opportunity to model for Anchor Blue in a Back to School Fashion Show at a local mall. She loved it and it’s right up her alley since she says she wants to create her own fashion line and model it herself one day.
School Changes I also made the decision with my kids that this was the last year of homeschooling for us. My son is starting high school and the kids were expressing a desire to do something different. Alex and Mehgan are now enrolled to attend a charter school and we all look forward to the new experience. I am so thankful that I took the past 3 years with my kids and home schooled them. I really felt the experience allowed us to grow together in a common direction. Our bond is so close and I will forever cherish the memories we had. My family life wouldn’t be what it is today if we didn’t take that time.
Garden I didn’t put alot of effort into gardening or any home improvements. However, scattered seeds sprouted up on their own and I have been enjoying the ease of letting the plants do their thing rather than babying them. I also just became curious and would stick things in the ground just to see how they grew for example a sprouting potato or onion. I have been more of an observer of plant cycles than anything else. I do love gardens, but if I continue with growing an edible landscape I seriously need a landscape designer that could help me make it look more aesthetic.
Career Obviously, once the kids start school that opens up time for me to recommit to an online presence and contribute more to the community. I enjoy sharing my journey. I enjoy having a voice. I enjoy feeling inspired and on purpose.
In Conclusion Overall, I feel I have been looking to balance my life. I went up and I went down and now I am leveling out. I may have over compensated in some ways, but I really am just relaxing with where I am now and I am making sure I get a little taste of everything rather than bingeing on one thing. I am happy to say I feel that I am getting back on track.
If you are running through life feeling overwhelmed and not really making the impact you know you want, or wishing you felt alive and filled with passion then you are going to LOVE me!
