Last night, I went out to dinner with my children’s father and children. We were out for about 60-90 minutes. When I arrived home I immediately sensed something was wrong. My tripod to my camera was moved in front of my front door and was meant to fall over if anyone entered through the front door. The TV was moved and the electronic cabinet below was open wide and empty. I heard noises of someone jumping on the trampoline in the backyard and saw my sliding glass door was wide open. Immediately I realized I was being robbed and they were still in my home. I had the phone in my hand and immediately dialed 911, while my ex, Dennis went chasing after them. While talking on the phone with an operator I walked into the master bedroom that had french doors (location of break in) that were flung wide open. There were electronic goods all dismantled and in the process of being packed into the pillowcases from the bed. The rooms had been torn apart, drawers were dumped out, etc.
Meanwhile, Dennis chased after the fleeting men who jumped over our back fence into my neighbors back yard and again jumped their side fence. They had parked their car in a vacant home on the street behind my home. Dennis was able to catch up with them and confront them. They were 2 Hispanic men 18-20 years old. They had left their car window down and Dennis reached into the car and tried to pull the keys out of the ignition. Unfortunately, they fought him off and they were able to get away and without a read on the license plate.
I felt a sick pit in my stomach. My kids were freaking out that their rooms had been torn apart. I hugged them and tried to remain calm. My daughter found our little Silky Terrier and was so relieved to find she was OK. My kids and I went from room to room looking to see what they had removed and what had been destroyed or damaged. The vibe in the house was dark. It just felt dark, nervous, black, and tainted. My instincts were to find some sage and clear the negative vibes. Questions ran through my mind and are probably running through yours!
How did they get in? They used a couple of screwdrivers to break in through the french doors off the master bedroom.
Was anybody harmed? No, thankfully they were not armed or confrontational. They fled as soon as they heard us.
What did they get away with? Luckily, not much except for some electronic games from my daughter, my digital camera and video camera. (Sorry folks there will be no videos until I get a new camera.)We arrived home to where they only things the men could steal had to fit into their pockets. Since the house is a bit disheveled there may be more, but the big items are still here. Strange, there were two wallets both containing cash. One of them was even sitting next to the screwdrivers that they left behind. Perhaps that is when they heard us come in. The one thing that left me a bit uneasy is that they also took a key to my home. I didn’t like wondering if they were going to come back with a group for more later.
How did they know when to break in? I keep my car parked in the garage! Had the men been scouting my home and watching my actions for long before they decided to break in? Seriously, who breaks into a house on a Monday night at 8 pm unless they are keeping an eye out? I assume that they were watching my home and activity. If this was a weekend break in I would have thought that I was just a random home, but because I was only gone a short time I am sure they had been watching me. It doesn’t feel good, but I am not going to let that turn me into a paranoid freak.
Why me? Perhaps, they knew I saw a single mom which makes an easy target. Maybe this was karma from my teen years of shoplifting. Who knows why, but what is important is that we are all OK and I will take measures to protect my home and family. BTW, I think victim mentality is lame and why even waste any time feeling like “poor me”. I don’t need sympathy, I need to learn and grow.
Other questions ran through my mind as the police came and took a report and dusted for fingerprints.
Was this due to my public videos? No. I really think it was just some guys who were on the look out and saw my home as being a perfect target. My videos are done from my home, but I am careful not to have license plates, addresses or any other information in the video. This was not by some viewer online. Do I want to continue creating videos? Especially since I can be seen as vulnerable since I lead a more transparent life? Now, some may say that this is a sign and I should stop making videos and live a more private life or cease to make the videos at my home. Others may feel this is an obstacle to see how easily I can be deterred from this path. Am I going to let this stop me or am I going to keep moving forward? Here is another appropriate song. When I feel down and challenged I sing this chorus: (Yes, I am officially a dork) “Ain’t nothin‘ gonna to break my stride. Nobody’s gonna slow me down, oh-no. I got to keep on movin‘. Ain’t nothin‘ gonna break my stride, I’m running and I won’t touch ground. Oh-no, I got to keep on movin‘.”
Attachment to belongings & living a life with out keys Honestly, I try to live with as little as possible. I am a big believer that the more materialistic lives we lead, the more we become slaves to them. We have to manage them, repair them, clean them, buy bigger homes or storage for them, organize them, or hire staff to do it for you, etc. We waste our precious time working to afford these things. The more we own the more they burden us. Now, I am not saying to toss all your stuff and live with nothing (which honestly must feel so freeing) but to own what you LOVE and USE. For me, it can’t be one or the other, it must be both. Another thing is just remembering this is just stuff. It isn’t me and it doesn’t define me. These are just tools that I enjoyed while here. We all know you can’t take it with you! Why get myself all worked up on stuff? I thought of a line from a song Losing Keys by Jack Johnson , “maybe I’ve been better off with things that can’t be locked at all”. Imagine how much relief would come from not having to worry if someone is going to break into your home and steal your stuff? Being protected, feeling safe and taking action So, do I go crazy and Fort Knox the place or do I just move on? Well, a little of both. I am changing the locks now since they have a key to my home. I am also making sure things are more secure. I am investing in a home security system as well. I am not going to let my mind be bothered by this and feel paranoid when I leave my home. Like I said before, I am not going to be frozen in fear. I choose peace of mind and that is priceless.
Finding gratitude in “disturbing” situations I am a true believer that there are positive outcomes and lessons to be learned versus feeling like a victim frozen in fear. I am now more aware of the security of my home. I can see that this was really minor in comparison to other stories of robbery or breaking in. I am so thankful my ex was with my kids and me and I did not have to face this alone, just his presence made me feel more at ease. I am thankful the men were unarmed, non violent and fled. I don’t even want to think of how bad it “could” have been. I am thankful they didn’t steal much. However, if they had, maybe they would have done me a favor and I would have lived simpler without the distractions of the digital world. Sometimes I feel like I am more involved with online interaction rather than just getting out and living my life. Even though I do enjoy sharing my stories and experiences with you! This has caused me to reflect on my lifestyle and to find the balance of living and being overwhelmed with the non physical world of the Internet. I am thankful that I am able to take better precautions and will be more prepared in the future if another incident were to occur. If I had to be robbed, then this was honestly the most ideal way for me to experience it. Not much was taken, we are all safe, my ex was with us, etc. I am thankful I am more aware of my safety and security. My priorities have been heightened. This makes me want to live, to enjoy my kids and stuff even more!
How does the law of attraction play into this? Is this karma from my teen years of shoplifting? Have I been having thoughts of burglary? Well, actually yes. I have a book on Chinese Forecasts and this month was to be of “misfortune” according to the book. It even mentions in the book to be careful of burglary. Now, someone pointed out to me, does the book carry a vibration and just the presence of it in my home bring that energy? Did I read it and absorb that energy and that played into my thoughts and awareness? Maybe both. Either way, I know that this is an opportunity for me to work on what I am attracting to me and also learning how to handle a difficult situation in a positive manner.
What’s Next? So, stay tuned… more videos and photos will come (when I obtain replacement cameras). Enjoy your day. My intention is that you learn from my experience and prepare your environments to where you do not have to go through this yourself. I know many have already experienced this. Hopefully, we were able to move forward and SHINE regardless of what we may undergo. I am inspired!
With New Years around the corner I thought I’d nail myself down to a few commitments before I enter the year. I have found that being wishy washy only stresses me out emotionally and I never get the things I wanted to accomplish done. Here are the commitments so I don’t play these head games like, ” Am I gonna workout today?” , “Am I going to eat all raw today?”, etc… Once I make up my mind, the rest is easy. It’s the head games of indecision that haunt me.
Before I make any commitments I should know what the desired end results are. Here are the biggies:
Major Life Categories 1. Health: Bikini Body (purification, raw food, yoga, dance, surf, snowboard) 2. Relationships: Manifest a Man 3. Career/Purpose: Create value & build a successful online presence 4. Finances: Eliminate all debt & generate multiple streams of passive income 5. Living Environment: Expand my gardening/edible landscape 6. Fun & Recreation: see bucket list (see earlier blog) 7. Personal Growth: live honestly, honorably, and immaculately
I will make an effort in each of the above “life categories” each week.
As for the daily basics, the following are the little things I want to have as solid habits.
Daily 10 Commitments 1. water 2. greens 3. exercise 4. get in the sun 4. gratitude journal & visualization 5. do something fun & that makes me laugh or feel really good 6. hug & kiss my kids, smile more & make eye contact when out & about 7. post a blog, video, photo 8. keep immaculate financial records 9. floss & skin brush 10. make my bed & deep clean something
The holidays are here and so is the spirit of love, reflection, gratitude and giving. I feel very thankful to be where I am today and for the life that I have. I am excited about new projects and ideas that I have planned up my sleeve. I am changing things up a little bit. This year I really made an effort to reach out online and connect with more like minded people. I have found wonderful communities, created a youtube account, began a blog, and started having a website designed. I hope to have it up and running in the next couple months.
I had many goals this year & I shared them on gaia. Now, I am reflecting and enjoying my growth this past year, along with creating new improvements in my life.
Nutrition Goals 2008 I did pretty good. I made excellent efforts at going raw and shared some of my experiences on youtube. I understand the power of greens in the diet. I am much more aware of emotional eating patterns. I want to heal my thyroid.
For 2009 I am seriously interested in experimenting with the 80/10/10 diet and I plan on posting videos on a purification program as well. I want to eat more from my garden. 🙂
Fitness 2008 Goals Through training for a triathlon I found myself a bit uninterested. Initially, I was excited with the thought, but when it came down to it, I just didn’t love running, biking and swimming laps. So, after some reflecting I rediscovered my passion for dancing and started taking dance classes in hip hop and Latin. I realize I have always loved to dance and I kind of forgot about it when I was training at the gym. As I child I loved to dance, as a teen I loved to dance, as a young adult I was an exotic dancer and I loved going out to clubs and shakin’ my thang ’til 2 am. When I lived in Hawaii I took up swing dancing. So, I am thankful to be reconnecting to dancing. I have been working out very regularly( sometimes 6 times a week) since August including yoga once or twice a week, which is another activity I enjoy.
For 2009 I never did create that home studio that I mentioned last year. The other night I envisioned creating my studio in my formal dining room. It rarely is used and so I thought I could clear out the table and set up a bar, pole, mirror and cool lighting. I could do all my training, dancing and yoga very conveniently. It could also be a “set” for upcoming videos. Snowboarding season is here and of course I am going to enjoy that. Last summer I didn’t surf at all, mostly because I felt insecure with my body, this year I want to get out on those waves!
Career Goals 2008 I took a bit of a shift in my goals and moved more towards growing online and creating passive forms and multiple streams of income. Technically, I have published my writings via blogs. last year I did have a 12 week optimal health challenge that I look forward to improving on this year.
For 2009 I want my website Inspire2Act.com up and running with awesome content! I also want to be consistent with videos, blogs, and articles. I want a business that can be accessed anywhere in the world. Who wants to be limited by geography? I want to inspire unlimited potential! I want to share more of my life, be a living example, and pass along gems I have learned in my life. I have received some excellent feedback and I am expanding my videos and blogs. I am bringing more consistency and organization to what I want to share with the world. I have so many interests and aspects to my life I decided to open the door to more of my life.
Relationship Goals 2008 I have met some amazing people this year in person and online. Some of my role models and many people whom I admire. I see a shift in the people I interact with and I am pleased with whom I am now attracting. I have a wonderful relationship with my children and I have even made an effort to reconnect with their father. While we are not romantic partners it is wonderful to understand each other better and to be able to be a team in raising our kids. I still have not entered a romantic relationship and honestly the more time goes by the more awkward I feel when men give me attention. I realized that I have not created room for a man to enter my life. I am considering sharing this experience on video as well. However, I have not decided completely.
For 2009 I am allowing a wonderful man to enter my life and share experiences with. I want to maintain my independence and remember past learning lessons. I want him to be a part of my life, not my reason for existence. I want us to synergize and be on the same page. I be able to say the to him what I learned from Abraham & Esther Hicks on non attachment. I want to enjoy his strengths.
2008 Finances I really didn’t experience much of a change in this department. It just wasn’t a focus. I realize now that money coming into my life is merely a token of what I have contributed and given. Therefore, I must have been stingy with my knowledge and experience.
For 2009 I am going to take better care into recording and documenting my financial growth, as well as becoming a more conscious consumer. I want to share more with others in a more global fashion (via the web) and set up a strong financial foundation.
Other Goals Work on green living projects for the home Expand the garden into an edible landscape Go paperless Expand & Share
This was the very first song that came on in the car when I went to take my kids to gymnastics. How freaking appropriate is this? Love who you are. Stop trying to please others or find approval in others. This song is contagious! No wonder it’s number one on the charts right now. Awesome message!
So watch out…..cuz I am living my life for ME….like it or not, it isn’t for you. If you don’t like what I am doing… work on your own life. We are who we are. Embrace it, make the best of yourself, and rock out!
Be thankful for where you are and what you’ve got!
(Rihanna): You’re gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars. And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far. Cause everyone knows, who you are-are. So live your life, ay ay ay. Instead of chasing that paper. Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. Ain’t got no time for no haters. Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. No telling where it’ll take you. Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. Cause I’m a paper chaser. Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh) Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
(Rihanna): You’re gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars. And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far. Cause everyone knows, who you are-are. So live your life, ay ay ay. Instead of chasing that paper. Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. Ain’t got no time for no haters Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. No telling where it’ll take you. Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. Cause I’m a paper chaser. Just living my life.
(T.I.): I’m the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid. Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics. Articulate but still I’ll grab a nigga by the collar quick. Whoever having problems with their record sales just holla ‘tip. If that don’t work and all else fails, then turn around and follow ‘tip. I got love for the game but ay I’m not in love with all of it. Could do without the fame and rappers nowadays are comically. The hootin’ and the hollerin’, back and forth with the arguing. Where you from, who you know, what you make and what kind of car you in. Seems as though you lost sight of whats important when depositing them checks into your bank account and you up out of poverty. Your values is in disarray, prioritizing horribly. Unhappy with the riches cause you piss poor morally. Ignoring all prior advice and fore warning. And we mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden, aren’t we?
(Rihanna): You’re gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars. And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far. Cause everyone knows, who you are-are. So live your life, ay ay ay. Instead of chasing that paper. Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. Ain’t got no time for no haters Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. No telling where it’ll take you. Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. Cause I’m a paper chaser. Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh) Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
Got everybody watchin what I do Come walk in my shoes And see the way I’m livin if you really want to Got my mind on my money And I’m not goin nowhere So keep on gettin your paper And keep on climbing Look in the mirror and keep on shining Till the game ends, till the clock stops We gon’ post up on the top spot Livin the life, the life In a brand new city got my whole team with me The life, my life I do what I wanna do I’m livin my life, my life I will never lose, I’m livin my life, my life And I’m not stopping
It is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE to be depressed and grateful at the same time! Think about that every time you are feeling blue. Shift your focus on what you have. It’s another way of taking an inventory of your life and discovering what you do have. This is perfect to do once a life detox has taken place. The garbage is gone, now let’s see the good stuff .
Thanksgiving is coming around the corner and rather than stuffing my face with food, I’m filling up my soul with thanks. Don’t be fooled into thinking this is the only time I reflect on the things I am thankful for. I keep a daily gratitude journal. I write in it almost every night before I fall asleep. It makes for an easy transition into sleep and beautiful dreams.
I think of the things that would affect me if they disappeared from my life tomorrow. Here are my top 10 ranked
Devastated 1. My kids 2. Their father… if I had a romantic partner he’d be here too! 3. My family 4. My friends 5. My pets 6. My clients 7. My health & well being (I suppose this should be number one, since it affects how I am able to relate and contribute to those listed above.)
Big Time Bummers 8. My home 9. My car 10. My journals, home videos, and photographs
OK, OK….I know I said ten, but I had to throw this in there too.
Conveniences 11. The Internet, my computer & cell phone (Funny, because these are just means to stay connected to the relationships mentioned above. )
These are the things I really need to nurture and really remember to appreciate. I know that all those things I mentioned above are not permanent. I will eventually lose them all. EVERYTHING! It makes me think….am I really enjoying them? Am I really making the most of them. Do they know how much I care?
On the other hand, I feel less of a need for other materialistic belongings. I mean really, if I have all the above listed things in my life, the extra “stuff” just might be a distraction or clutter in my life. Truth is, we only use about 20% of what we own. Back to purging! Living light inspires the soul.
Ten More Things I Am Thankful For 1. The experience of Motherhood & being a woman 2. Living during these times & technology 3. My knowledge and experiences 4. My health, beauty, energy, able body 5. My dreams and direction 6. A connection to a higher power & sense of self 7. Living in safety, where the sun shines and the weather is warm 8. My time 9. Being well received by others 10. Unlimited Potential
What about being grateful for the hardships and life challenges?
5 Challenges that I overcame & made me who I am today. 1. Poverty & Abuse 2. Shoplifting 3. Exotic dancing 4. Failed relationships 5. Single motherhood
5 Current Challenges I am experiencing today & being thankful for the opportunity to grow & learn from them. 1. Financial burdens… I want to live free from financial obligations 2. Weight gain…. I want to feel secure in my own skin and celebrate physical health 3. Self esteem….I want to feel confident in who I am and what I am capable of 4. Discipline & Focus…I want to stay on task so I can experience the things in life that really matter most to me. 5. Being single… I want to grow and share life with a life partner.
So, now that I had a clear slate, it was time to fill up my life with the things that positively contributed to my well being. It’s funny what you experience when you break down years of conditioning. I felt alive, on purpose and in love with life. The more I did what I said I would do, the more my self empowerment grew.
The Shift in My Thoughts I felt inspired to write. I have always been a person who journals, but I felt an even stronger desire to write. It brought a sense of clarity. I found that I would often soothe my own concerns just by writing them down. I wrote about my new thoughts and my new direction in life. I felt that the world was mine to explore and anything was possible. I had many insightful experiences and I kept a notebook next to my bed to jot down what I felt compelled to write. I wrote so much that I filled several binders. To this day I wonder if I will ever publish them.
The Shift in My Awareness I have a book called Power Vs Force. Before, I would never really be able to FEEL the highest levels of consciousness. I could read the description, but there was no connection with it. Then during one of my days in solitude I read the levels from lowest to highest. It took me through each emotion and when I read the enlightenment description I was swelling, I felt like I was going to burst. Tears of euphoria were streaming down my face and the closest description I can give that I felt at that time was like a drawn out orgasm.
The Shift in My Perception I became very sensual. Life slowed down. I noticed everything! I utilized my senses and observed the weather, the plants, the smells, the feel of various textures, beautiful music and images. I remember feeling so lucky to be alive.
The Shift in my Diet I experienced phases of fasting that went on over a period of 4-6 months. It was almost automatic, I didn’t think about it. If the inspiration to do something arose, I did it immediately. My thought never entered the process. Purification felt effortless and a pleasure. I envisioned my body dumping any past baggage. I drank tons of herbal tea. Hydration was my focus. I wanted to keep my liver clean so my teas were mainly milk thistle and dandelion, as well as blends of herbs for detoxification. I made sure I was eliminating too so I drank salt water in the morning or I took an herbal laxative before bed. Looking back, I realize I drank about 2 gallons of liquid a day. I suppose that is why I was able to drop from weighing 119 to 108 in no time.
When I did eat, I consumed mostly fruits and veggies, some steamed and some raw. I was still eating a whole food diet versus vegetarian or anything like that in the beginning. My meals were large plates of veggies or a snack of a green drink and trail mix. When I ate I set the timer for 20 minutes and made sure I stretched out my meal to last that long. I became a very good eater. I chewed until the food was liquid. I looked closely at every bite, swirled the food in my mouth to feel the texture and taste the flavors of the food. I did everything I could to slow down my eating. I ate to remove hunger rather than to feel full. I reminded myself that my stomach was only the size of my fist and there was no need to stretch it out. I engaged in proper table etiquette and conversation with my children. I became an immaculate eater.
The Shift in My Sleep During the times of extended fasting or very light eating I noticed that my sleep shifted to rest. I found that I was drawn to sleep under the moon and stars. Since I wasn’t wanting to sleep outside in my backyard, I would open the blinds to my French doors of my bedroom and let the moonlight fill my room. I would gaze at the stars before falling asleep after purging all my gratitude in my journal. I would close my eyes. I then felt like my body was heavy and still like it was totally asleep, but I felt totally alert. I could see myself from above looking down on my body. It was almost as if I was watching myself sleep. I was totally aware of all that was going on around me. It was as if my subconscious was being a security guard for me. I no longer wanted to sleep on my side. I wanted my chest to be facing the sky. I just felt like my heart needed to face up. I slept very little, maybe 3 hours a night. This went on for months. My body felt totally rested even though before I slept about 9 hours a night. My rest changed back to sleep when my diet changed and I began to consume more calories.
I practiced full resting at least one day a week. I used this time to reflect on my week. I understood that doing less was more. No need in spinning my wheels without a direction. I wouldn’t speak to anyone nor would I do anything very active.
The Shift in My Workouts I took up an intense and regular power yoga practice. I attended Bryan Kest’s 2 hour long power yoga class every Sunday. It was my “church”. Since it was a drive for me, I would listen to inspirational books or seminars on CD. I thrived on the energy of the class. Sometimes, I would experience such gratitude in relaxation pose that I would be brought to tears. It was euphoria. I was caught off guard, but it felt beautiful. I learned about meditation, affirmations, mantras, and the pleasure of silence. This was heaven for me because I finally was learning how to break the addiction of thoughts and just be at peace.
Physical Touch I also became diligent about receiving regular weekly massage. It filled that touch void that I was so addicted to in a romantic relationship. I have always been very physical my entire life, whether it was through gymnastics or other sports or through romantic encounters. So, being without a man for the first time in a long time was a huge shift. I swear receiving massages alone kept be from jumping into the sack with a man out of need for touch. I would get goosebumps every massage. I knew it was filling that need for me. I also found that I felt amazing after petting my cat or dog or cuddling with my kids more during bedtime stories. I learned I can enjoy touch without the sexual energy behind it. I hugged my friends more too.
The Shift in Relationships I started treating myself the way I expected a man to treat me. I dated myself! If I wanted to do something, I did it alone. It was awkward at first to go to a movie or a restaurant alone, but after a while it felt amazing. I no longer needed someone to do nice things for me. I could do them for myself. That was transformational because in the past if a man didn’t do them for me I went without. I enjoyed conversations with men, but I was sure to leave it at that. I didn’t want to be co-dependent or jump in the bed with anyone too soon, so I kept the sexual aspect out of it. Plus, I wasn’t fully healed from the break up of my ex. I don’t think he was either, because we continued to interact for over 7 months after our break up. It was a time for us to mend our wounds with each other so we could move on and have more to offer to our future partners.
I started treating everyone I encountered the same. In Santa Monica there would be lots of homeless people. I would smile at them and I felt like I could see into their soul.I saw through the exterior. I felt like I connected so deeply in a non verbal way. I noticed I no longer felt fearful of people or danger. I would speak kindly to everyone and treat them as though I was speaking to someone I held in high regard. I felt like treating people like royalty. I became a very generous person. I became very trusting and compassionate.
I woulds say over and over, ” I am the highlight of someone else’s day”. I would be sure to dazzle others with kindness and generosity. I made it a point to be pleasant to every person I encountered, even if it was just a smile.
If you are running through life feeling overwhelmed and not really making the impact you know you want, or wishing you felt alive and filled with passion then you are going to LOVE me!
