Awesome Mom

Many of you have noticed I have not posted a video or blog in some time and have expressed concern and wanted to know what I have been up to. First of all, I would like to thank you for coming to my blog and taking an interest in me and my video or blog posts. My blog started as an online journal for myself, then evolved into a way I can share my perspective, thoughts, and inspiration. Thank you for being a part of that.

My Online Absence
Although I absolutely love and adore the Internet and all the wonderful people I have connected with, I found that gradually I was spending more time online and less time being present in my physical environment and the relationships right in front of me. I enjoyed all the feedback on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and here on my blog. I felt like I needed to respond to everyone and I just couldn’t keep up with all that and manage my physical life. I became very behind in corresponding to comments, emails, messages, and questions. The more behind I became the more of a burden my online presence became for me. It shifted from fun and exciting to an obligation. Needless to say, this is hardly an “inspired” state.

An Internal Struggle
In addition to taking a break from blogging, I had to take a break from romance and dating. I had the pleasure of dating men however, it seemed things moved faster and more intense than I was wanting so instead of slowing things down I went MIA. I struggle with the idea of romance and where that fits in my life. I had to do some soul searching and really figure things out before I stepped back out in the social world.

Health
This is an area that directly relates to my internal state. In the beginning of the year I was clocking in about 60 hours of exercise a month & eating very high raw. However, when I freaked out and went MIA with dating I dropped down to a very minimal amount of exercise and kept eating the same amount if not MORE food. NOT A GOOD IDEA! Weight crept back on and I felt ashamed of myself. However I felt I was justified going MIA because I was beginning to look bloated and feeling uncomfortable being social. However, we are far more transparent than we think we are and situations like this just show me that I was experiencing an internal struggle. I have found through food a way to dampen the rawness of emotions I was experiencing.

Romance
I love romance and I am a sucker for a beautiful love story. However, when it comes my way I really haven’t mastered that aspect of my life. It seems when I crave romance the options and opportunities flow into my life, yet when it becomes so serious so quick I tend to get cold feet and back off. I have a few ideas that could be the source:

Overall, I am content being single. I no longer have the idea that I have to be married or be in a romantic relationship to be complete. However at times I do crave the experience(or it could be hormones). I just want it to happen more slowly and balanced rather than a big surge that happens too fast. I don’t feel a need to hurry or put a label on it, and when I date someone who seems to come on quick I tend to run and hide. To me it appeared a bit desperate and co-dependant….which is what I used to be and I am afraid of being that again.

With that in mind, I came to the conclusion that I was being given the opportunity to see if I had overcome some of my past relationship bad habits. I used to be the girl that fell head over heels fast. I overly romanticized the person and the experience and lived in a fantasy in my head. I wasn’t present and had expectations.

Another factor that presented itself was how it affected my relationship with my kids. When I was a teen and my newly divorced parents started dating I felt like I was second rate, competing for their affection and time. From my view, my parents were more interested in romance than being a parent. I had some resentments and I lashed out towards my parents and their romantic interests. I felt my teen years went from being “normal” to being a stay at home mom for my younger brothers while I saw my parents out dating. I carry that memory today. Perhaps I am hyper-sensitive to my children and would never want them to feel like I preferred the company of a man over theirs. At the same time, I realize that this may just be my own limiting belief that romance would pull me away from my kids. I just never wanted my kids to feel second rate. In conversations with my kids, they have expressed that they are happy with the idea of me dating and would enjoy meeting the people I bring into my life. It just seemed to be a fear that I would get too wrapped up in my romance that I compromised my relationship with my kids as well as other aspects of my life.

Family Life
With all that in mind I went off the dating scene and started spending more time with my children (which inspired my blog in May “10 Wise Lessons for my Children”). Being a mother is a priority and a pleasure and I know my time with them is precious. They are growing up so fast. I want to make the most of it. So, we went camping in Yosemite and Idyllwild. We have been spending so much time outdoors, at the beach, hiking, biking, swimming and playing.

Alex is training for football, which I think is NUTS, because of his frame and body type. I really feel his strengths are with speed and agility. However, I must step aside and let my son make decisions for himself. We both feel that this may very well be his last opportunity to play this sport on a team. We plan to make the most of it and perhaps move on to soccer or baseball when the season ends.

At the same time, Mehgan is in cheer leading. It makes life so much easier having practices and games at the same location and time as football. Although Meg prefers to be in independent activities I encouraged her to give this sport a shot. This also plays up her gymnastics background as well as learning to work on a team. I felt it was a nice transition while building new friendships since many of her friends moved this summer. Meg also had the opportunity to model for Anchor Blue in a Back to School Fashion Show at a local mall. She loved it and it’s right up her alley since she says she wants to create her own fashion line and model it herself one day.

School Changes
I also made the decision with my kids that this was the last year of homeschooling for us. My son is starting high school and the kids were expressing a desire to do something different. Alex and Mehgan are now enrolled to attend a charter school and we all look forward to the new experience. I am so thankful that I took the past 3 years with my kids and home schooled them. I really felt the experience allowed us to grow together in a common direction. Our bond is so close and I will forever cherish the memories we had. My family life wouldn’t be what it is today if we didn’t take that time.

Garden
I didn’t put alot of effort into gardening or any home improvements. However, scattered seeds sprouted up on their own and I have been enjoying the ease of letting the plants do their thing rather than babying them. I also just became curious and would stick things in the ground just to see how they grew for example a sprouting potato or onion. I have been more of an observer of plant cycles than anything else. I do love gardens, but if I continue with growing an edible landscape I seriously need a landscape designer that could help me make it look more aesthetic.

Career
Obviously, once the kids start school that opens up time for me to recommit to an online presence and contribute more to the community. I enjoy sharing my journey. I enjoy having a voice. I enjoy feeling inspired and on purpose.

In Conclusion
Overall, I feel I have been looking to balance my life. I went up and I went down and now I am leveling out. I may have over compensated in some ways, but I really am just relaxing with where I am now and I am making sure I get a little taste of everything rather than bingeing on one thing. I am happy to say I feel that I am getting back on track.

Being a mother is an honor. Even though motherhood came sooner than I expected, the impact of being a mother has forever changed my life. However, if I were to die today and no longer be around for my children, there are things I feel strongly that I would want my children to remember and know about life. As life unfolds we tend to forget and become distracted. Here are the principles I would want to remind my children of and stay connected to.

You are a Spiritual Being in Physical World
Honor your intuition
Have integrity
You are here to enjoy and appreciate this life
You are a genius
You deserve the best that life has to offer
The opposite of fear is love inspired by Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Give with Love and Gratitude
Feel good no matter what
Never put your happiness in something outside of yourself
See the good in everything and learn from your life lessons
Show compassion and the world will be compassionate towards you
This world is a reflection- give away what you want and it will come back tenfold

Don’t Listen to Outside Influences
Marketing : commercials, ads, etc. that distract you from your inner voice
Advice from the good opinions of others
Think your own thoughts
Be the solution not the problem

You are Your Own Leader & Lead With Your Heart
Let your passion guide you
Have a Vision
Stay committed and focused on what you want
Share your perspective publicly
You will advance further in this life when you focus on being kind rather than right
Do it Anyway inspired by Mother Teresa’s Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Employ and Invest in Yourself
Be in charge of your life and career.
Let it be the thing you most love and are most passionate about sharing and would do for free just because you love it.
Never choose anything you clock in and out from. Do what is built into you to do that never turns off after 40 hours.
“The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy.” – Malcolm Forbes

Take Care of Your Body, it is Your Transmitter to the Divine
Rest
Get sun
Breathe fresh clean air
Exercise and sweat
Stay properly hydrated and drink pure water from natural springs and produce
Nourish your body with plenty of dark leafy greens and fresh fruit
Be your own preventative health doctor, do not expect someone else to care more for your body than you do.

Surround Yourself with People Who Inspire You to Be More
You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. You are the average in attitude, emotional stability, income, weight/health, education, etc…
Only spend time with those who encourage you and support you.
Give others the freedom to have their own thoughts and do as they please.
Be loving and supportive of others. It’s more important to be kind than right!
Build a tribe of close friends that you enjoy through your life.
Contribute and share your gifts with the world. Improve the quality of others lives.
Leave this planet better than when you arrived.

Choose a Sustainable Living Environment
Locate your home in a place that sustains life without the need of human intervention. The more you do this the less you will need from outside resources. This will encourage freedom for it will provide fresh natural resources such as clean air, plenty of water or rain, sunshine, temperate climate. Honor this place and leave it in better condition than when you came.

Your Home is Your Private Sanctuary
Be Prepared
Grow your own food for quality and purity, for love and variety, for freshness and nutrient density, for preparedness and health, for freedom and a healthy planet
Prepare your home for Natural Disasters with medical aid, water and food supply and alternative shelter and protection from heat and chill
Know how to treat emergency situations: first aid, CPR, etc..

Live Lightly and Simply
Let greed be for the fools

Experience True Wealth
Money is not true wealth, but love, time, health, pleasure, wisdom, and peace are!

Alex and Mehgan this is written for and dedicated to you. I am so thankful to be your mother and may your life be filled with true wealth. If you are a mother, please take the time to make sure your children know what is important, leave them your legacy now. Do not wait until it is too late. Who knows, maybe you’ll start blogging and leave that as your legacy for your children. Pay your wisdom forward.

Here is Alex’s favorite snack: green apples with almond butter. He actually made this plate himself. How cute…will he be a future Matthew Kenney in the works? 😉

While Steve was in So Cal he invited me and my kids to go to Magic Mountain. My kids had never been & I thought it would be fun. The plan was to have Emily (Steve’s daughter) with us. Unfortunately she came down with a fever the night before and was unable to go & Erin & Kyle don’t particularly like roller coasters.

My kids did OK, but honestly Meg was still pretty freaked out by them. Especially since our first ride was X2. WHOA! That ride really whips ya around! So, I think that it freaked Meg out so much she was leery of all the other rides. I was able to coax her onto a few more rides. She loved all the water rides. I didn’t show how soaked I was in the video, but let me tell you I was SOAKED!

We hit up all the rides: X2, Terminator, DeJaVu, Riddler, Batman, Ninja, Tatsu, Jet Stream, Log Jammer, Roaring Rapids, Goliath, Scream, Colossus, Viper, & Revolution.

I had not been to an amusement park in a long time, but I didn’t take into consideration my car accident in 2005 where I experienced vertigo. So, unfortunately I did get a little queasy and my head got whacked around a bit. I have been dealing with some nausea and dizziness since the trip so I plan on getting this vertigo treatment. It worked in the past so I am sure it will work.

Unfortunately, we were told that vegan burgers were sold at the amusement park, but that was false. We even searched high and low for fruits and veggies, but only found roasted corn. It’s too bad they search you down and won’t let you bring in outside food. We ended up eating fries which put my son into french fry coma. He wasn’t feeling very good, but it eventually wore off. So, if I go again I am definitely packing my own food. I’ll go to my car and eat…that’s fine, but Magic Mountain is definitely not raw or vegan friendly.

This weekend I am attending Steve’s Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas. I can’t wait to report back to you what I experience. I know it will be a blast! So stay tuned for more info!

BTW, I have apologized for being so bratty to Steve….. So Pavlina fans…..don’t go after me at the workshop! 😉