It was January 2005, I just closed escrow on my first home. I was happy to get the keys and move in. I had taken the day off work to start the moving process. However, a client called me very early that morning needing my assistance. I normally took the kids to school, but I made arragements to have my long term boyfriend take them so I could go see this client and then get started on moving in.
However, on my way I was involved in a hit and run by a drunk driver that could have ended my life. I was sitting at a red light waiting for it to turn green when I was hit full force. I don’t remember being hit. I was knocked unconscious, but I remember coming out of it being surrounded by a group of people, not knowing where I was or what had happened. Luckily, people saw the accident happen and chased the person who hit me and fled the scene.
The back end of my little 4 door Honda Civic had been smashed all the way to where the back seat was almost touching the back of the drivers seat. I had my massage table in the trunk of my car at the time. The impact propelled the table through the back seat and over my head to the front windshield.
I was laid up in bed for 3 months to heal from head trauma, vertigo, neck and back injuries in addition to some left sided injuries to my shoulder, elbow and knees. The vertigo (severe dizziness and nausea)was so severe that I felt like I got off a really fast merry-go-round. I couldn’t see straight, everything was moving, at the slightest movement I felt like I would throw up. If you have ever been drunk and closed your eyes and felt the whole world spinning, that’s how I felt 24/7. I couldn’t hold up my head. I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t take pain pills because my body rejected them. I spent time in the ER dealing with a bad reaction to Vicodin. I was throwing up non stop and heaving into exhaustion. I felt like I had no quality of life. I couldn’t even function: physically or mentally.
During the healing phases, I would get flash images of the accident reoccuring in my head. I was brought to tears when I realized I would normally take my kids to school that morning. Thoughts went through my mind of my children no longer being in my life. I was shaken! My kids are such a huge part of my life, but at that time I was working, my kids were in public school. I taught evening fitness classes and time with my kids was somewhat limited.
Thoughts went through my mind, “Was this a life that mattered?”, “If I died today, did I give my kids the skills they needed in life?”, “Did I make a positive impact on my kids?” I thought about that being my last day to live and questioned the way I had been living. Did I live a life that I could die a happy person feeling totally confident that I had done all I could do in my life? Did I spend my time in ways that mattered most? Did my kids know how much I loved them? Did I savor them or take them for granted?
I wanted to hug them, cuddle them, kiss them, tell them how much I loved them. I wanted to laugh with them, to grow with them, to watch them experience life. I wanted to support them and share this gift of life we had. Even if it was only one more day.
This was the beginning of a major life shift for me. I felt gratitude for the accident, because it made me reevaluate my life. I started shifting my life immediately. I did not return to work full time. I only saw clients when my kids were in school and in the fall of 2005, I enrolled my kids in a charter school. I began a homeschooling program. I really didn’t know how to homeschool or anything about it at all. However, I repeatedly had the intuition and inspiration to do it,so I trusted that guidance.
Other changes evolved as well. I ended a 5 year relationship that seemed to no longer be syngergistic. I discovered raw foods. I decided to take my career into my own hands and become self employed. Freedom in all life aspects became very important.
I was given another chance to live. And ya know, we don’t have to wait until something like this happens to start a new life. Every morning the sun rises we are given another lease on life. What are you going to do with it?
So, now that I had a clear slate, it was time to fill up my life with the things that positively contributed to my well being. It’s funny what you experience when you break down years of conditioning. I felt alive, on purpose and in love with life. The more I did what I said I would do, the more my self empowerment grew.
The Shift in My Thoughts I felt inspired to write. I have always been a person who journals, but I felt an even stronger desire to write. It brought a sense of clarity. I found that I would often soothe my own concerns just by writing them down. I wrote about my new thoughts and my new direction in life. I felt that the world was mine to explore and anything was possible. I had many insightful experiences and I kept a notebook next to my bed to jot down what I felt compelled to write. I wrote so much that I filled several binders. To this day I wonder if I will ever publish them.
The Shift in My Awareness I have a book called Power Vs Force. Before, I would never really be able to FEEL the highest levels of consciousness. I could read the description, but there was no connection with it. Then during one of my days in solitude I read the levels from lowest to highest. It took me through each emotion and when I read the enlightenment description I was swelling, I felt like I was going to burst. Tears of euphoria were streaming down my face and the closest description I can give that I felt at that time was like a drawn out orgasm.
The Shift in My Perception I became very sensual. Life slowed down. I noticed everything! I utilized my senses and observed the weather, the plants, the smells, the feel of various textures, beautiful music and images. I remember feeling so lucky to be alive.
The Shift in my Diet I experienced phases of fasting that went on over a period of 4-6 months. It was almost automatic, I didn’t think about it. If the inspiration to do something arose, I did it immediately. My thought never entered the process. Purification felt effortless and a pleasure. I envisioned my body dumping any past baggage. I drank tons of herbal tea. Hydration was my focus. I wanted to keep my liver clean so my teas were mainly milk thistle and dandelion, as well as blends of herbs for detoxification. I made sure I was eliminating too so I drank salt water in the morning or I took an herbal laxative before bed. Looking back, I realize I drank about 2 gallons of liquid a day. I suppose that is why I was able to drop from weighing 119 to 108 in no time.
When I did eat, I consumed mostly fruits and veggies, some steamed and some raw. I was still eating a whole food diet versus vegetarian or anything like that in the beginning. My meals were large plates of veggies or a snack of a green drink and trail mix. When I ate I set the timer for 20 minutes and made sure I stretched out my meal to last that long. I became a very good eater. I chewed until the food was liquid. I looked closely at every bite, swirled the food in my mouth to feel the texture and taste the flavors of the food. I did everything I could to slow down my eating. I ate to remove hunger rather than to feel full. I reminded myself that my stomach was only the size of my fist and there was no need to stretch it out. I engaged in proper table etiquette and conversation with my children. I became an immaculate eater.
The Shift in My Sleep During the times of extended fasting or very light eating I noticed that my sleep shifted to rest. I found that I was drawn to sleep under the moon and stars. Since I wasn’t wanting to sleep outside in my backyard, I would open the blinds to my French doors of my bedroom and let the moonlight fill my room. I would gaze at the stars before falling asleep after purging all my gratitude in my journal. I would close my eyes. I then felt like my body was heavy and still like it was totally asleep, but I felt totally alert. I could see myself from above looking down on my body. It was almost as if I was watching myself sleep. I was totally aware of all that was going on around me. It was as if my subconscious was being a security guard for me. I no longer wanted to sleep on my side. I wanted my chest to be facing the sky. I just felt like my heart needed to face up. I slept very little, maybe 3 hours a night. This went on for months. My body felt totally rested even though before I slept about 9 hours a night. My rest changed back to sleep when my diet changed and I began to consume more calories.
I practiced full resting at least one day a week. I used this time to reflect on my week. I understood that doing less was more. No need in spinning my wheels without a direction. I wouldn’t speak to anyone nor would I do anything very active.
The Shift in My Workouts I took up an intense and regular power yoga practice. I attended Bryan Kest’s 2 hour long power yoga class every Sunday. It was my “church”. Since it was a drive for me, I would listen to inspirational books or seminars on CD. I thrived on the energy of the class. Sometimes, I would experience such gratitude in relaxation pose that I would be brought to tears. It was euphoria. I was caught off guard, but it felt beautiful. I learned about meditation, affirmations, mantras, and the pleasure of silence. This was heaven for me because I finally was learning how to break the addiction of thoughts and just be at peace.
Physical Touch I also became diligent about receiving regular weekly massage. It filled that touch void that I was so addicted to in a romantic relationship. I have always been very physical my entire life, whether it was through gymnastics or other sports or through romantic encounters. So, being without a man for the first time in a long time was a huge shift. I swear receiving massages alone kept be from jumping into the sack with a man out of need for touch. I would get goosebumps every massage. I knew it was filling that need for me. I also found that I felt amazing after petting my cat or dog or cuddling with my kids more during bedtime stories. I learned I can enjoy touch without the sexual energy behind it. I hugged my friends more too.
The Shift in Relationships I started treating myself the way I expected a man to treat me. I dated myself! If I wanted to do something, I did it alone. It was awkward at first to go to a movie or a restaurant alone, but after a while it felt amazing. I no longer needed someone to do nice things for me. I could do them for myself. That was transformational because in the past if a man didn’t do them for me I went without. I enjoyed conversations with men, but I was sure to leave it at that. I didn’t want to be co-dependent or jump in the bed with anyone too soon, so I kept the sexual aspect out of it. Plus, I wasn’t fully healed from the break up of my ex. I don’t think he was either, because we continued to interact for over 7 months after our break up. It was a time for us to mend our wounds with each other so we could move on and have more to offer to our future partners.
I started treating everyone I encountered the same. In Santa Monica there would be lots of homeless people. I would smile at them and I felt like I could see into their soul.I saw through the exterior. I felt like I connected so deeply in a non verbal way. I noticed I no longer felt fearful of people or danger. I would speak kindly to everyone and treat them as though I was speaking to someone I held in high regard. I felt like treating people like royalty. I became a very generous person. I became very trusting and compassionate.
I woulds say over and over, ” I am the highlight of someone else’s day”. I would be sure to dazzle others with kindness and generosity. I made it a point to be pleasant to every person I encountered, even if it was just a smile.
Once I cleared my life out I found plenty of free time to invest in myself. I mentioned in the video I listened to several books on CD while I was cleaning out my house or getting ready to see clients, on my drives to yoga class, and so forth.
I didn’t have anyone in person to guide me so I used these materials to keep me going in a direction that was more positive.
I began to take responsibility for my life and where I was. I affirmed to myself that I was brave, bold and adventuresome. I was determined to make a U turn in the direction of my life and get back on track with where I saw myself. I knew I had potential. It was a matter of discovering it.
I realized everything was a reflection of me. If it was in my life and I didn’t like it, then it needed to go. It was time to rise from the ashes and make something for myself. But first I needed to CLEAN HOUSE and get everything out of my life so that I had room to fill up on the good stuff.
I went through every nook and cranny of my materialistic belongings. My clothes, makeup, toiletries, pantry, collection of books, DVDs, CDs , etc. I scoured my home while I scoured my body.
I began fasting. I just felt like cleaning the garbage out of my body too. I made sure my liver and colon were pristine. Then once all the food was out of my house. I decided I deserved the best. I no longer wanted to eat anything from a can or box. Processed and packaged food wasn’t fit for this body. The more I saw my body emulate the ideal version of me the more excited I was about nourishing it properly.
I even cleaned up the way I spoke. I honored the absent and spoke as though the person I was talking about was standing right next to me. I wouldn’t allow myself to speak poorly of anyone. I refrained from swearing and using words that were not worthy of the highest.
I stopped lying. I realized that if I felt I had to lie that I was doing things that I didn’t like. I also knew that lying was not accepting myself and it was only a reflection of that. This included little white lies. Besides, I didn’t want to attract liars in my life and I would ifI lied myself.
I detoxed all of my beliefs. I no longer accepted anything that I had been taught from religion, to limitations, to rules. I felt that I no longer was limited by time, energy, space or matter. There were no rules. I took on the attitude suggested by Wayne Dyer, ” Nobody knows enough to be a pessimist”.
I ditched my negative complaining about myself and others. I also stopped allowing others to dump their dis empowered drama on me. I didn’t want to hear how they were victims in their life. I didn’t want to listen to it. I straight out said, ” Don’t you have better things going on in your life to talk about this?” I told them that this was the last bitch session and to start talking about all the things that were going right for them. I was only allowing them to attract more crap into their life by listening to it.
I started putting more attention into my appearance. I acted as though I needed to be prepared for meeting people I wanted in my life. If I looked a mess, it just reflected that I was a mess inside. Same for my home. I kept it immaculate, as though if someone I highly admired was to knock at my door at any given moment. It was about being prepared for good to come.