Relationships

Many of you have noticed I have not posted a video or blog in some time and have expressed concern and wanted to know what I have been up to. First of all, I would like to thank you for coming to my blog and taking an interest in me and my video or blog posts. My blog started as an online journal for myself, then evolved into a way I can share my perspective, thoughts, and inspiration. Thank you for being a part of that.

My Online Absence
Although I absolutely love and adore the Internet and all the wonderful people I have connected with, I found that gradually I was spending more time online and less time being present in my physical environment and the relationships right in front of me. I enjoyed all the feedback on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and here on my blog. I felt like I needed to respond to everyone and I just couldn’t keep up with all that and manage my physical life. I became very behind in corresponding to comments, emails, messages, and questions. The more behind I became the more of a burden my online presence became for me. It shifted from fun and exciting to an obligation. Needless to say, this is hardly an “inspired” state.

An Internal Struggle
In addition to taking a break from blogging, I had to take a break from romance and dating. I had the pleasure of dating men however, it seemed things moved faster and more intense than I was wanting so instead of slowing things down I went MIA. I struggle with the idea of romance and where that fits in my life. I had to do some soul searching and really figure things out before I stepped back out in the social world.

Health
This is an area that directly relates to my internal state. In the beginning of the year I was clocking in about 60 hours of exercise a month & eating very high raw. However, when I freaked out and went MIA with dating I dropped down to a very minimal amount of exercise and kept eating the same amount if not MORE food. NOT A GOOD IDEA! Weight crept back on and I felt ashamed of myself. However I felt I was justified going MIA because I was beginning to look bloated and feeling uncomfortable being social. However, we are far more transparent than we think we are and situations like this just show me that I was experiencing an internal struggle. I have found through food a way to dampen the rawness of emotions I was experiencing.

Romance
I love romance and I am a sucker for a beautiful love story. However, when it comes my way I really haven’t mastered that aspect of my life. It seems when I crave romance the options and opportunities flow into my life, yet when it becomes so serious so quick I tend to get cold feet and back off. I have a few ideas that could be the source:

Overall, I am content being single. I no longer have the idea that I have to be married or be in a romantic relationship to be complete. However at times I do crave the experience(or it could be hormones). I just want it to happen more slowly and balanced rather than a big surge that happens too fast. I don’t feel a need to hurry or put a label on it, and when I date someone who seems to come on quick I tend to run and hide. To me it appeared a bit desperate and co-dependant….which is what I used to be and I am afraid of being that again.

With that in mind, I came to the conclusion that I was being given the opportunity to see if I had overcome some of my past relationship bad habits. I used to be the girl that fell head over heels fast. I overly romanticized the person and the experience and lived in a fantasy in my head. I wasn’t present and had expectations.

Another factor that presented itself was how it affected my relationship with my kids. When I was a teen and my newly divorced parents started dating I felt like I was second rate, competing for their affection and time. From my view, my parents were more interested in romance than being a parent. I had some resentments and I lashed out towards my parents and their romantic interests. I felt my teen years went from being “normal” to being a stay at home mom for my younger brothers while I saw my parents out dating. I carry that memory today. Perhaps I am hyper-sensitive to my children and would never want them to feel like I preferred the company of a man over theirs. At the same time, I realize that this may just be my own limiting belief that romance would pull me away from my kids. I just never wanted my kids to feel second rate. In conversations with my kids, they have expressed that they are happy with the idea of me dating and would enjoy meeting the people I bring into my life. It just seemed to be a fear that I would get too wrapped up in my romance that I compromised my relationship with my kids as well as other aspects of my life.

Family Life
With all that in mind I went off the dating scene and started spending more time with my children (which inspired my blog in May “10 Wise Lessons for my Children”). Being a mother is a priority and a pleasure and I know my time with them is precious. They are growing up so fast. I want to make the most of it. So, we went camping in Yosemite and Idyllwild. We have been spending so much time outdoors, at the beach, hiking, biking, swimming and playing.

Alex is training for football, which I think is NUTS, because of his frame and body type. I really feel his strengths are with speed and agility. However, I must step aside and let my son make decisions for himself. We both feel that this may very well be his last opportunity to play this sport on a team. We plan to make the most of it and perhaps move on to soccer or baseball when the season ends.

At the same time, Mehgan is in cheer leading. It makes life so much easier having practices and games at the same location and time as football. Although Meg prefers to be in independent activities I encouraged her to give this sport a shot. This also plays up her gymnastics background as well as learning to work on a team. I felt it was a nice transition while building new friendships since many of her friends moved this summer. Meg also had the opportunity to model for Anchor Blue in a Back to School Fashion Show at a local mall. She loved it and it’s right up her alley since she says she wants to create her own fashion line and model it herself one day.

School Changes
I also made the decision with my kids that this was the last year of homeschooling for us. My son is starting high school and the kids were expressing a desire to do something different. Alex and Mehgan are now enrolled to attend a charter school and we all look forward to the new experience. I am so thankful that I took the past 3 years with my kids and home schooled them. I really felt the experience allowed us to grow together in a common direction. Our bond is so close and I will forever cherish the memories we had. My family life wouldn’t be what it is today if we didn’t take that time.

Garden
I didn’t put alot of effort into gardening or any home improvements. However, scattered seeds sprouted up on their own and I have been enjoying the ease of letting the plants do their thing rather than babying them. I also just became curious and would stick things in the ground just to see how they grew for example a sprouting potato or onion. I have been more of an observer of plant cycles than anything else. I do love gardens, but if I continue with growing an edible landscape I seriously need a landscape designer that could help me make it look more aesthetic.

Career
Obviously, once the kids start school that opens up time for me to recommit to an online presence and contribute more to the community. I enjoy sharing my journey. I enjoy having a voice. I enjoy feeling inspired and on purpose.

In Conclusion
Overall, I feel I have been looking to balance my life. I went up and I went down and now I am leveling out. I may have over compensated in some ways, but I really am just relaxing with where I am now and I am making sure I get a little taste of everything rather than bingeing on one thing. I am happy to say I feel that I am getting back on track.

Being a mother is an honor. Even though motherhood came sooner than I expected, the impact of being a mother has forever changed my life. However, if I were to die today and no longer be around for my children, there are things I feel strongly that I would want my children to remember and know about life. As life unfolds we tend to forget and become distracted. Here are the principles I would want to remind my children of and stay connected to.

You are a Spiritual Being in Physical World
Honor your intuition
Have integrity
You are here to enjoy and appreciate this life
You are a genius
You deserve the best that life has to offer
The opposite of fear is love inspired by Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Give with Love and Gratitude
Feel good no matter what
Never put your happiness in something outside of yourself
See the good in everything and learn from your life lessons
Show compassion and the world will be compassionate towards you
This world is a reflection- give away what you want and it will come back tenfold

Don’t Listen to Outside Influences
Marketing : commercials, ads, etc. that distract you from your inner voice
Advice from the good opinions of others
Think your own thoughts
Be the solution not the problem

You are Your Own Leader & Lead With Your Heart
Let your passion guide you
Have a Vision
Stay committed and focused on what you want
Share your perspective publicly
You will advance further in this life when you focus on being kind rather than right
Do it Anyway inspired by Mother Teresa’s Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Employ and Invest in Yourself
Be in charge of your life and career.
Let it be the thing you most love and are most passionate about sharing and would do for free just because you love it.
Never choose anything you clock in and out from. Do what is built into you to do that never turns off after 40 hours.
“The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy.” – Malcolm Forbes

Take Care of Your Body, it is Your Transmitter to the Divine
Rest
Get sun
Breathe fresh clean air
Exercise and sweat
Stay properly hydrated and drink pure water from natural springs and produce
Nourish your body with plenty of dark leafy greens and fresh fruit
Be your own preventative health doctor, do not expect someone else to care more for your body than you do.

Surround Yourself with People Who Inspire You to Be More
You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. You are the average in attitude, emotional stability, income, weight/health, education, etc…
Only spend time with those who encourage you and support you.
Give others the freedom to have their own thoughts and do as they please.
Be loving and supportive of others. It’s more important to be kind than right!
Build a tribe of close friends that you enjoy through your life.
Contribute and share your gifts with the world. Improve the quality of others lives.
Leave this planet better than when you arrived.

Choose a Sustainable Living Environment
Locate your home in a place that sustains life without the need of human intervention. The more you do this the less you will need from outside resources. This will encourage freedom for it will provide fresh natural resources such as clean air, plenty of water or rain, sunshine, temperate climate. Honor this place and leave it in better condition than when you came.

Your Home is Your Private Sanctuary
Be Prepared
Grow your own food for quality and purity, for love and variety, for freshness and nutrient density, for preparedness and health, for freedom and a healthy planet
Prepare your home for Natural Disasters with medical aid, water and food supply and alternative shelter and protection from heat and chill
Know how to treat emergency situations: first aid, CPR, etc..

Live Lightly and Simply
Let greed be for the fools

Experience True Wealth
Money is not true wealth, but love, time, health, pleasure, wisdom, and peace are!

Alex and Mehgan this is written for and dedicated to you. I am so thankful to be your mother and may your life be filled with true wealth. If you are a mother, please take the time to make sure your children know what is important, leave them your legacy now. Do not wait until it is too late. Who knows, maybe you’ll start blogging and leave that as your legacy for your children. Pay your wisdom forward.

I can hardly believe that I have not posted a blog in over 8 weeks. Trust me, I did go through withdrawals and there were times I had things I really wanted to share with you. I apologize for the silence and I am happy to check in with you now.

My absence has been intentional. I have been going through what I call a “Life Detox”. It is something I like to do at least once a year. I take time to re-evaluate EVERY aspect of my life. It helps me address and eliminate the things in my life that are distracting me from my life direction. In my last post I talked about conquering low self esteem. When I am feeling less than stellar over a period of time I know it is time to clear the slate and get a fresh perspective. I do that with a Life Detox.

From my last post, the main reason my self esteem dropped was because I was not doing what I know to be right. This is the fastest way to crush ones self image. In addition, I was not being intentional and I was filling my time with distraction and procrastination. That combo will get your spirit screaming and leaving you feeling frustrated. Think of it as a neglected baby who won’t stop crying until you give them some love and attention. I really feel that anger and frustration are just symptoms of a neglected spirit. Denying your spirit is the fastest way to crush your soul.

When you ignore your truths…prepare to feel a slump. When you don’t act according to what you feel is right then you have just denied yourself. We dull our light and want to hide in shadows. Shadows are OK because they give us the contrast in our life and we all go through times of ignoring our inner voice. However, you cannot sustain hiding and still feel amazing about this gift of life.

We Are Transparent
As much as we’d like to believe that we can fool others and hide how we really feel, we are only fooling ourselves. Everything in your physical environment is a mirror of your internal state. If you look around and see a cluttered car, home, room, garage, closet, kitchen, bathroom, etc., it is a good indicator that you are mentally cluttered and distracting yourself from your life calling. If you are shopping and buying unnecessary items or eating excessively, it is an indicator that you are stuffing your emotions. If we are complaining about someone else we are really just affirming how we feel about ourselves inside. We really are far more transparent than we think we are. With a quick observation of ones living environment, listening to the words spoken, the way one presents themselves, cares for their health, home, relationships or career is a huge indicator of ones self esteem and how much they are connected to their spirit.

I know this can sound like a blow, it is the truth. I have lived this myself. When you recognize you are off track and disconnected it is easy to do a Life Detox. This is a great way to steer your life into the direction you want to go without as many obstacles to remind you of who you were, so you can see who you truly are. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. Our spirit is so powerful and yet when we ignore our spirit we start behaving like a crying baby.

A Neglected Spirit is like a Crying Baby
The fastest way I know how to “get the baby to stop crying” is to give some love and attention. I have to acknowledge “the crying baby” and in this case the crying baby is my spirit. Once you acknowledge your spirit, see yourself as you truly are, and what you deserve your behaviors follow in alignment. I reviewed my post “Walking Into Knowingness“

Align Your Behaviors with Truth
If you try to change your or behaviors without the shift in your paradigm you may see your behaviors as torture rather than TLC. For example, the raw food diet. When I tell people I am into raw foods they freak out and think I am missing out on all the “good stuff” and start naming their favorite junk foods. At times I would forget why I ate raw (which is to fuel my body with the foods that are species specific for optimal life performance) and would eat something that not only left me feeling digestively upset, but emotionally upset as well. It wasn’t that I had a “weak” moment. It was merely that I forgot my intention and who I was. Once I saw myself as a magnificent human being here to do great things then I only desired to give myself the best of life. For me, eating raw feels like a feast for royalty rather than a form of torture.

Who We Are
The best way for me to shift my paradigm to remind myself of who I am is to read “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson (which I refer to often). It really puts me back into perspective. I have shared it before, but because I feel this is a theme for so many of us I will share it again (and again). 🙂

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

With that in mind, how could we not see ourselves as brilliant and create an environment that allows us freedom to shine?

People tend to feel a false sense of security with holding their belongings, but truthfully, the more you own the more you must manage and that can be a time zapper and you can end up feeling like a slave to your stuff.

Over the past 6 weeks, I went though all my cobwebs and cleaned them out. I happily eliminated over 50% of my belongings and donated them to charity. I involved my children and taught them how much fun it is to give your unused things to someone who will love . I feel so much lighter without excess baggage to hold me down. I freed myself, my time, and my environment to that I could re-evaluate, prioritize, and re-connect with my spirit.

How to Do A Life Detox
Go through every nook and cranny of every thing you own, activities and actions you do, and relationships you have. Either remove or repair anything uninspiring, and address anything needing physical or emotional mending. Sometimes, just going through and detoxing your home spurs emotional healing.

Qualify Your Stuff
To determine what stays, put each item through a qualification process, much like one goes through to qualify for a home or car. However, instead of qualifying yourself, you are qualifying the item, relationship or experience.

Does it Reflect the Best Version of Yourself?
Most of the stuff we have does not reflect the highest version of ourselves. It’s just the trail of our past experiences. It’s time to thank those things in our lives for the purpose it served us at that time. It is now time to offer those things to someone else who will use them.

How Do You Feel When You See It?
Do you look at old clothes you once fit and feel frustrated?
Do you have a negative or painful past memory associated with it?
If you look at any item you own you must feel thrilled and honored to own it. If you do not, say goodbye. If you don’t LOVE it, then it has got to go. You may start to feel like you won’t have anything if you follow these guidelines. Know that you are creating space for a temple or private retreat and only the best can come into your space.

Kitchen Pantry, Refrigerator, and Freezer
Eliminate anything that do not fuel your body in the most honorable way.

Dining Room
Kitchen disposables such as, Paper plates, napkins, utensils. Start using reusable goods that inspire you to only eat foods that are worthy of you.

Bathroom & Cleaning Supplies
Eliminate toxic cleaning supplies and hygiene products. Start using items that are good for the health of your body, home and planet.

Media/Living room
Eliminate any music, books, magazine subscriptions, video games or movies portraying violence or any negative behaviors. Discontinue from watching TV shows that dampen your spirit. These things harden your spirit and distract you from seeing the beauty in life.

Electronic & Paper Clutter
Go through and clear out your paperwork, email, and voicemail.

Body Detox
Clear your body of anything that is holding onto unnecessary baggage with sweating, colonics, & fasting.

Activities/ Time Management
If you don’t love it, don’t do it. I am talking END RESULT here. Sometimes we confuse this, but we have to think about the end result of the activity.

Relationships
If you feel like any relationship is burdensome or depleting you rather than fueling you, you may want to reevaluate the people you surround yourself with. You are the average sum of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. This includes your weight, diet, religious views, income, etc. If you don’t like what you see you may want to find people that inspire you to make the most of yourself.

Once you clear your life you can take a good self examination and see where you can improve your life. I promise you will feel a sense of relief and feel a renewed sense of purpose from honoring your life and your spirit.

Stay on Track with Silence & Stillness
Without sounding too much like Yoda or Confucius, it is true that in order to go forward…do nothing. In order to do more….do less, especially when it comes to mental chatter and environmental noise. When was the last time you were in silence? What about not talking, turning off the Internet, TV, music, movies, books, etc. When was the last time you did nothing?

Doing a day of silence on a weekly basis is so nourishing. It was amazing what inspiration flows in when noise and distraction is eliminated. Remember our spirit whispers secrets. 🙂 If an entire day seems like a leap, start with an hour of silence a day. Spend your time alone with yourself, start by journaling your rampages of appreciation, write out any concerns or roadblocks you feel you are experiencing. reading, resting, sunbathing, contemplating, cleaning, gardening, walking, doing yoga. In time you will be able to increase the silence. Soon you’ll really look forward this time to listen to your inner genius awakening

Use Holidays as Reminders to Renew
Sometimes we can find ourselves back into old patterns and holidays can help us
refocus and remind us of what is important.

The Sunrise & New Year’s Day
It’s an opportunity to refresh and refocus on what we really want. I prefer happy new day when the sun rises rather than waiting for a new year! It’s such a smaller bite to take and we should feel that EVERYDAY is a celebration! Are you waking up and feeling thankful that you have another day on this Earth to experience life? To live with meaning and love. To appreciate what we have. To appreciate the day as an opportunity.

Valentines Day
A reminder to show your love, appreciation, & admiration to those in your life.

Easter/ Spring
New life new beginnings, renewal, forgiveness

Independence Day
A reminder to release ourselves of our burdens and experience freedom in all forms including emotional and financial freedom.

Thanksgiving
An opportunity to share your gratitude

Christmas
A reminder to give, share your gifts, shine your light with the world & contribute to the betterment of life.

May this inspire you to take time to align your life with what really matters and to create an environment that brings out the best in you. Cheers to Life!

See More Related Posts on Conscious Relationships

Do you find yourself interacting in fake or pretentious ways?
Do you lie to others?
Do you find yourself being highly criticized and judged?
Are you wrapped up in how others perceive you?
If a camera was running on you 24/7 would you be terrified by what others witnessed in your life?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you are living in your own private hell. A place of emotional baggage, filled with lies, fear, paranoia, and so forth. One way to gain some insight is to play the mirror game. Meaning what you accuse others of you are guilty of yourself.

Are you judgmental of others?
Judgmental people are afraid of being judged themselves so they deflect the attention off themselves by trying to project it onto others.

Do you have expectations for others to live up to?
People don’t let us down, we let ourselves down when we handed our power to something outside of ourselves.

Take Responsibility
We create our own private hell and we are the only ones who can get ourselves out of it. Stop deflecting, dig down into your own murkiness. Once you do, you realize even in your murkiness it is still OK. You are beautiful just as you are, even with body odor and bed head you are still loved and accepted. The true you transcends that, and by being comfortable with your “human-ness” (skankiness and all…LOL) you realize it doesn’t take away your value. After all, once you embrace who you really are all the murkiness begins to fall away. Stop giving power to the social paradigm that you are not living up to. No one really does anyway. Take your power back, take responsibility for who you are.

See Your Value
Those layers of thoughts & habits are not who we really are and as we let them go we can shine. We are all divine sparks of God. We are here to do good and how can we shine when we are always hiding? We have a calling to greatness and our spirit is so big that we cannot be held down with such trivial baggage. As we become loving and accepting people, we become a magnet for more love. Imagine living freely, doing exactly what you wanted to do, when you wanted to do it, free of guilt. Imagine that no one would criticize you or judge you. Nothing you could do or say would cause anyone to flee from your life. If you knew no matter what you would be loved, you would be honest. You would feel safe.

Liberate Yourself
There is no need to stress and become uptight, for once we do the mind and body become so tense that we cannot transmit data from the divine and we are literally squeezing the magic out of our experience. RELAX and see the real you. Let go and just be free. Let yourself out of the prison you have been confining yourself to.

Be the Example
If you want openness and honesty from others, you must be that yourself. Once others feel safety in your openness their walls will go down too. As Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Be free, be liberated. Do not look to others to change first, it starts with you. Do not tell others how to be, be an example of what you know to be true and people will flock to you for your insight and guidance. Give them the freedom to be themselves.

Liberate Others
As Marianne Williamson said so beautifully,” As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.” The best way to give back to others is to allow them to be who they are, just how they are. Love them anyway. When you are free, others will be freed in your presence. People will open and share details with you because they know there will be no judgment. None of the silly stuff matters anyway, I remember this quote, “Forever trust in who we are, and nothing else matters”. Who knew a little Metallica could be so profound? This song has been running through my head. These lyrics are the real deal. Enjoy!

Share Your Journey
Let your skeletons out of your closet. I did over a year ago when I posted a video called Skeletons in My Closet. I remember being scared to post it. I had no idea what would come of it. Surprisingly, I was greeted with support and compassion. People resonated with my pain and soon the fears and insecurities that once held me down liberated me. I am so thankful I had the courage to do it. It is my desire to be free. As I let go of my silly trivial human-ness may it inspire you to do the same. I wrote out my human-ness in the blog Walking Into Knowingness. It is time to admit, “This is me now, and it is OK. I have a heart of gold and I am working on becoming a better version of myself.” It is my dream that by sharing my life publicly that it liberates you to live your life more fully. As Gandhi said, “My life is my message.” Let your life be your message as well. Be the spark that you are and shine above all this nonsense. After all, if not you, then who? If not now, then when?