Welcome to my 11-part series of How to Transform Your Life where I share my favorite tools and resources that I implemented and improved my life with. Today is the fourth transformational tip on processing negative emotions. Enjoy!
Unresolved inner conflicts impact our health, career, and relationships. This robs us of enjoying our lives. If you are triggered, agitated, or apathetic, and depressed it could be from holding onto unprocessed painful experiences. This prolonged suffering is reflected in the body as explained by Bessel van der Kolk in the book, The Body Keeps the Score.
I realized I was an emotional hoarder of wounds after my body went into sudden cardiac arrest from buried away resentments and disappointments from decades before. There are five major wounds and fears: abandonment, betrayal, humiliation, injustice, and rejection. Not knowing how to process pain, I told myself to “get over it.” or denied being upset, or minimized my experience by saying it wasn’t that bad. I didn’t know there were methods to release it. Doesn’t time heal? When a similar situation arose it triggered me to believe another negative situation reminiscent of the past would occur and my body would have a visceral reaction.
Studies have shown we do not emotionally develop beyond the age of unresolved conflicts. Mark Oliver, explains in the book The Four Intelligences most people in the United States don’t emotionally mature past the age of eight. This explains why a grown adult can go into a fit and act childlike.
In nature, when an animal is in a dangerous and stressful state, its heart races, cortisol, adrenalin, and norepinephrine flood the body. Once out of danger, the animal has the capacity to return back to homeostasis within ninety seconds. Dr. Joe Dispenza states humans have the same capacity. When we hold onto the stress long after the experience has occurred it is possible we are addicted to those hormonal states. The good news is addiction can be overcome by processing negative emotions as a daily practice.
Imagine the light feeling of prioritizing emotional well-being by clearing out negative experiences. Do this in a safe quiet space, when alone and uninterrupted, between thirty and ninety minutes. The three great resources listed below help process negative emotions.
Emotional Map from Making Love Work by Barbara De’Angelis
This method includes writing or speaking out loud and expressing emotions in the following six steps. Each level breaks down the negative charge and leads into the next level where all emotions are resolved.
Anger, resentment, and blame
Hurt, sadness, and disappointment
Fears, insecurities, and wounds
Regrets, understanding, and responsibility
Wishes, intentions, and solutions
Love, appreciation, and forgiveness
The Work by Byron Katie
The first step of this process is to fill out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet where you answer six questions about the triggering experience. Then there are four questions to reflect on and then a turnaround. Byron Katie hosts a weekly podcast, At Home with Byron Katie demonstrating this powerful and transformative process.
A Hawaiian spiritual practice used to clean energy by reciting four sentences. This method is popularized by the story of Dr. Hew Len, a clinical psychologist who worked with the developmentally disabled and the criminally mentally ill and their families. He didn’t treat the patients instead he applied the following steps towards himself stating that when the data is clear within it ceases to be expressed in those around you. This method was so radical that the patients healed and the mental institution was closed.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
The process is complete when you feel lighter, more loving, and at peace with the past. The inner conflict is resolved and all that is left is a sense of gratitude. There is power in seeing things anew, gaining insights, and inspiring a change in responses and behaviors.
Everyone deserves to experience a rewarding and fulfilling life. Take the time to clean up and process emotional wounds. It may be exhausting as memories surface to grieve, but the body will heal and so will your emotional resilience.
I did it ! I did it!!! Woo hoo I FREAKING DID IT!!!
Establish the healthy habit of daily exercise
30 min a day X 30 days= 15 hours
Actual Hours Completed
52 1/2 hours
Make Your Workouts Fun- DONE!
Incorporate Variety- DONE!
Incorporate Your Relationships (kids, lovers, friends, family, co-workers, etc..)- WANT TO DO MORE OF THIS!
Work up a Sweat- DONE!
Honor Your Intuition and Your Limitations (know the perfect balance of too much and not enough)- DONE! I feel stronger and am pain/injury free
Get Good Rest (this will really help your workouts)- DONE! My typical sleep pattern is to rest between 10-6
Breathe while working out. (try to keep it in a nice rhythm, even if it’s faster)- DONE!
Hydrate (how else do you expect all the junk in your body to get washed out?)- NEEDS IMPROVEMENT, somedays I was inconsistent
Exercise 30 mins Daily & post it as a comment on my blog- DONE!
Leave Your Workout Spot in Better Condition than When You Showed Up- DONE! My house is spiffy too! 🙂
I have some areas I would like to improve, but overall I FAR surpassed my original goal! As far as my weight, measurements, and body fat go I did not measure those things for this challenge. I feel strongly that being fit and performing daily physical activities are just a natural part of a healthy lifestyle. I focused on enjoying my able body and watching myself grow. I have great momentum on a life long healthy habit and I am sure more physical results will continue to emerge!
I feel firmer
I am stronger
I am more flexible
I have more balance and endurance
My skin is clearer
My rest is richer
I am feeling more inspired
I am feeling more emotionally stable
I am feeling mentally clearer
I am feeling more confident with my decision making
What’s Next for Fitness For ME!
Life is all about growth and expansion! To keep up the momentum I am doing the following things for myself:
Continue daily exercise of 30-60 minutes a day
Deepening my yoga, pilates, dance, gymnastics practices
What I Am Doing For YOU!
It is my pleasure to be able to support you and your fitness journey. To be of better service to YOU I am creating the following :
Wrapping up the formatting and editing of the Fitness Guide to hook you up with your fitness journey!
More blogs and videos!
I am here for you and I’ve got your back! 😉
P.S. – Don’t think I forgot to post my last workout! Here is what I did today
60 min walk w/ Hailee (the cutest Silky Terrier ever!)
60 min Zumba
60 min Yoga- all seated poses
Tip: Have exercises in your fitness program that eliminate pain and discomfort rather than workouts that make you look good. Note: you can do exercises that allow you to FEEL AMAZING and look amazing too! No need to compromise! 🙂
Do you find yourself criticizing people who are healthy and in fantastic shape? If so, you may be sabotaging your own results in your fitness challenge.
Here’s the scoop. If you are criticizing someone else you are sub-consciously rejecting that result for yourself. You are keeping yourself from all the health and beauty that you deserve by hating on someone else who has what you secretly or openly wish you had for yourself. Why?
Because when you are finding fault in someone else you are in a state of resistance and as long as you are resisting you are NOT in alignment to receive those gifts for yourself.
A really simple way to turn things around is to make a list of all the people who have that sexy lean gorgeous body that you want and to bless them. Thank them silently! What you are doing sub-consciously is allowing yourself to have those same things for yourself.
So, when you are out and about and quick to judge someone who is in phenomenal shape, take a moment to look at them and appreciate them for the great reminder that they are for you. You will see that in short time you will effortlessly see your own body becoming more and more beautiful. Which leads me to the next part of this.
If you are not able to see what is going right with your own body and only focus on what is going wrong you will only see where you lack. Seeing that blocks you from improving. As soon as you start to acknowledge the improvements and what is going right you will see more and more results start to show.
Bless that which has yet to show up as it already has and soon it will be yours! Take time to do a rampage of appreciation for your own beautiful body and for others as well! 🙂